


Scenes From the Cutting Room Floor: Season Six

by SupernaturalPrincess9



Series: Scenes From the Cutting Room Floor [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Established Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-03-23 05:06:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 24,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3755536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SupernaturalPrincess9/pseuds/SupernaturalPrincess9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My interpretation of the scenes we didn't see on the show. At least one scene (extended or new) for every episode in the series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Exile on Main Street (Prelude)

**Author's Note:**

> This series is 100% in sync with canon events/people/places. It can be read as a stand-alone story or be read in conjunction with watching the episodes. Most scenes are postlude - either an extension of the last scene or a new scene. Any scenes that are pre-episode are noted as "prelude" and any scenes that occur at some point during the episode are noted as "intermission".

Sam stood and watched the tableau through the window of Lisa’s house. Dean was seated at the table and Lisa stood next to him, squeezing his shoulder, saying something Sam couldn’t hear.

He looked at his brother, remembering everything – from childhood right through their last night together before he jumped into the pit. He expected to be overcome with emotion, frantic to get to his brother and hold him close.

He remembered their first kisses, Dean’s full of anger and fear and Sam’s full of love and acceptance. He remembered the dinner at Fogo, making out at the 90s and coming by each other’s touch for the first time. He remembered holding Dean’s lifeless body in his arms after the hell hounds tore him apart.

He remembered the desperation to get Dean back at any cost. He remembered the pain of Dean losing faith in him. He remembered the anger there was sometimes between them.

He remembered the soldier stuck in the ashtray of the Impala and the image he held onto as he jumped in the pit: Dean holding him for all he was worth.

He remembered every moment of their lives in great detail. He remembered every emotion he’d ever felt toward his brother. Mostly, he remembered how in love they had been right up to the end.

He felt none of it. He knew how he should be feeling right now but looking at Dean made him feel nothing, like he was someone he once knew… but who never had any real relevance in his life at all. He felt empty.

He felt wrong.

The weird dichotomy between how he knew he should feel and how he actually felt disturbed him greatly. But quickly that emotion dissipated, too, leaving just the intellectual knowledge that it existed at all.

Cas was stunned when Sam turned and walked away from Dean.

Sam didn’t look back.


	2. Exile on Main Street (Postlude)

Dean jumped in the Impala and headed west, to pick up Lisa and Ben at Bobby’s.

Telling Sam goodbye was the hardest thing he’d ever done. He wouldn’t have done it if he weren’t so damn angry at Sam. If Sam had come to him when he first got out of the pit, Dean would have hugged him and kissed him senseless. He would have thanked Lisa for taking him in and he would have bid her good-bye, thrilled to recapture his happiness with Sam.

He couldn’t believe his brother had been back the whole time… he didn’t understand why Sam wouldn’t have come right to him, saving him from a year of pure agony.

And then there had been the distance once they were together. When Dean hugged Sam, he’d expected it to be full of love, maybe turn to passion. Instead Sam had held him and then stepped away. Like there’d never been something more between them.

Why wasn’t Sam as desperate for him as Dean was for him?

Dean hit the steering wheel of the Impala with the palm of his hand. He was so angry right now.

He thought about how Sam had rejected him… them… their home when he’d extended his hands with the keys to the Impala dangling. He had his own car now. And his own life that no longer included Dean.

Dean wiped the tears from his face with his sleeve. He’d been holding them back for days. Now he just let them flow. God, how he had missed Sammy… his beautiful little brother… and everything they’d had between them.

Having him back and being apart was almost worse than thinking he was still in the cage. When Sam was in the cage, Dean could remember the way they were before… he could remember how much Sam loved him. Now, there was no evidence of that. Just a brother he barely recognized and an anger inside him that he thought might consume him.

He remembered the day he came home and found Sam’s shirt had been washed. He’d been devastated. And the cover on the Impala – although, he could understand why Lisa did that. And then the day his jacket was no longer in the closet, holding Sam’s shirt… Lisa had put that away when Sam had been gone four months. He’d been angry all those times, but nothing compared to the anger he felt now.

As Dean passed through Iowa, he knew his anger was morphing, becoming a steely resolve. He would take Lisa and Ben back to Ohio and if Sam called, great, maybe they’d chat. But he wasn’t going to initiate contact. He was going to go back to his life and try to forget his brother all over again.

Not that that had worked the first time.

Lisa was surprised when Dean told her he was going to stay with her. She had honestly thought he was saying goodbye. And Sam… she thought he’d put up a fight for Dean. And that was a fight she knew she’d lose. But he had just walked away.

Lisa didn’t know it was for the second time.


	3. Two and a Half Men

Sam pulled his Charger up to Dean’s truck, letting the engine idle. Sam stared straight ahead, saying nothing. There were things he wanted to say, of course. But they were all based on memories and familiarity. 

Sam had no emotions to share.

Dean sighed when it was apparent that Sam wasn’t going to say anything so he reached for the door handle. He jumped when he felt Sam’s hand settle on his shoulder.

“Wish you’d reconsider hunting, Dean.” Sam said, meeting Dean’s eyes levelly, revealing no emotion. Dean had no idea that was because Sam couldn’t muster any true emotions; he could only emulate a close proximity to them.

Dean squinted his eyes, assessing his brother. “Yeah? Why’s that, Sam? You got a good thing going with the old Campbell fam, so why would I bust that up?”

Sam looked out the window. His hand still rested on Dean’s shoulder, firing up Dean’s nerves and filling him with want. 

“We had something, once, Dean.” Sam said softly.

Dean’s heart felt stuck in his throat. Was he finally going to see some emotion from Sam? Some indication that Sam was as hungry for him as he was for Sam?

“And?” Dean said quietly, hoping that Sam would pull him close, covering his face in kisses like he used to… or at least hug him or take his hand… anything that resembled what they used to have together.

Sam withdrew his hand from Dean’s shoulder and put it back on the steering wheel. “It’s just better when you’re here, Dean. I told you that.”

Dean shut his eyes, trying to contain the pain. And the loss he felt when Sam had removed his hand. He’d been stupid to hope for anything good happening here. After all, his brother had been back a year and Dean clearly hadn’t been a priority for him.

“You’re upset.” Sam said, a quizzical look on his face. “Is that not what you want to hear? That I think it’s better when you’re around?”

Dean opened his eyes and fixed an angry gaze on his brother. “You wanna know what I want to hear? Great… I’m gonna tell you!” Dean yelled. He grabbed Sam’s shirt collar and pushed him back against the seat. “I wanna hear that you missed me. That you need me. That you love me!” Dean lowered his voice, looking right at Sam. “That you still want me, Sammy.”

“You don’t think I want you?” Sam asked, perplexed.

Dean’s eyes widened in surprise. “Do you?”

Sam sucked in a deep breath and then expelled it forcibly. He got out of the car and went to the passenger side, throwing open the door. He reached in and pulled Dean up, pushing him against the car. “You don’t think I want you.” Sam stated emotionlessly.

Dean stared back at Sam. “No. I don’t.”

Sam leaned in and put his mouth next to Dean’s ear. “You think I haven’t thought about how good it felt to slam my cock into you, over and over? You think I don’t remember what it was like to have your fingers deep inside me, prepping me for your cock?” Dean moaned as he felt his cock begin to harden. 

Sam wrapped his hand around Dean’s neck and pushed back to look at him.

“You don’t think I remember how good it felt to surrender to your love?” Sam rasped.

Dean shook his head no.

Sam brought his mouth within millimeters of Dean’s, but he didn’t kiss him. 

Instead, he whispered. “Well, I do. I think of those things every time I’m with you, Dean. I thought about those times when we were apart. But you have something else now and I’m not gonna fuck that up. You need time to make decisions and so do I.” Sam paused. “If things change, then… we’ll see what happens. Until then, I can’t offer you more than I have, which is a place by my side, hunting.”

Sam let Dean go and returned to the driver’s side of the car. “Go to Lisa, Dean. If you need me call, otherwise… I’ll see ya when I see ya.”

With that, Sam hopped into his car and left Dean in a plume of dust.

Dean bent over, breathing heavily. He couldn’t tell if Sam had just said he still felt the same about him or if he only remembered what they’d had. Dean ran his fingers through his hair, blinking to drive back his tears and then he sighed before climbing in his truck and heading back to Lisa and Ben.

Sam drove west toward the Campbell compound. He could have taken Dean, right there on the side of the road. He could have fucked him senseless and Dean would have loved it. And Sam… would have felt good in the moment. Physically good. Dean would have been blissed out, thinking that they were picking up where they’d left off and Sam would still feel nothing for his brother.

Sam found he didn’t care about too much since he’d been back, but one thing he knew: he wouldn’t hurt Dean by using their past relationship against him. 

All those memories of what they’d had… they stopped Sam. He didn’t stop himself from doing too much these days, but there was no way he was going to just fuck his brother. Not when the memories of how much love they’d shared were always there, right below the surface.

Sam had no intention of destroying the love that had saved the world.


	4. The Third Man

Dean lay in bed, listening to Sam breathe evenly. It was their first night back together as a hunting team. With Sam’s Charger ruined by the angels, they were back together in the Impala, just like old times.

Dean sighed as he thought about how nothing was just like old times. Cas was fighting some celestial war. Dean kinda had a life with a woman and a kid… and Sam… well, there was something off with his brother.

At first Dean thought it was related to Sam’s time in hell. But then he thought about the fact that Sam had only been there, what… one maybe two days? Maybe even just hours. Dean still wasn’t clear on the timing. Surely that wasn’t enough time to truly affect Sam to the point where there would be something so… off about him?

Dean sighed again and rolled onto his side, plumping his pillow. He could hear Sam’s even breathing from across the room. He’d gone right to sleep and was sleeping like a baby. “Figures,” thought Dean. Per the usual, he was in torment while Sam slept on.

Mentally, Dean shook himself. That wasn’t a fair assessment and he knew it. His little brother had been tormented ever since he let Lucifer out of the cage. Dean suspected that Sam still hadn’t forgiven himself, even though he put Lucifer right back in there, which had been one of the bravest things Dean had ever seen.

Dean thought back to that day. Lucifer beating the shit out of him, ready to deal him a death blow and Sam… taking control, looking at Dean’s broken face in horror before reassuring his brother that everything would be ok. And then Sam, looking at Dean, his expression one of resolve… and love… before falling backwards into the pit.

Dean shuddered. Sam had been so brave and he’d been left alone. And now they were back together but everything was fucked up. Dean vowed to himself that he would figure things out and get them back on track. He’d help Sam get over whatever was causing him to act differently. He wouldn’t leave Sam alone.

With that thought, Dean drifted off to sleep. Once he was breathing deeply and evenly, Sam rose from his bed. He stood over Dean, looking down at his brother. Sam could see the contours of Dean’s body under the thin sheet. Dean was still hot as hell and Sam wanted to touch him every waking moment. He wanted to feel Dean touch him. He wanted… everything they used to have. It distressed him to know that he was no longer capable of those deeper emotions.

Dean rolled onto his back, his shirt riding up. Sam thought about dropping to his knees, running his tongue across Dean’s belly before sucking down his cock. Sam remembered how much he had loved giving Dean head… the hardness of his cock and the softest skin covering it… how Dean tasted and how good it felt when Dean let go and filled Sam’s mouth with his come.

Sam turned and went into the bathroom. He gently shut the door before taking out his hard cock and stroking it. He thought about all the things that he and Dean used to do in the privacy of their room… and sometimes even in public. Sam choked down his moans as he came over his hand and belly.

Sam breathed deeply as he came down from his climax. He then efficiently and quietly cleaned himself up before going back into the motel room. He crossed the room and slipped under the covers. He stared at the ceiling and wondered how he was going to hide the fact that he no longer slept from Dean.

It wasn’t going to be easy.


	5. Weekend at Bobby's

Sam leaned over and whispered to Dean, “You doin’ ok?”

The plane was taxiing down the runway, next in line to take off. “Yeah.” Dean bit out, clearly not ok. 

Sam still found the fact that Dean was afraid of flying to be hilarious, but he could see Dean was struggling to keep himself under control. “Nothing is gonna happen, man. We’re gonna take off, sleep across the ocean and land back at JFK. Totally safe.”

Dean looked at Sam. “You know a hundred different things could go wrong… an engine could fall off, the pilots could get sick… like in Airplane!... someone could go crazy… hundreds of different things!” Dean’s voice was low and intense.

Sam smiled and shook his head. “Dean the odds of any of those things happening is astronomical.”

The plane moved into position on the runway, waiting for the go signal. Dean’s hands started shaking and as the pilots began gathering speed, Dean clenched his hands into fists. Sam looked at Dean’s hands and then made a decision.

Sam reached over and threaded his fingers through Dean’s, taking his hand and moving it onto his lap. Dean visibly relaxed as the plane began its ascent. Sam held Dean’s hand until the plane reached cruising altitude. He then gently extracted his fingers from being intertwined with Dean’s and then put Dean’s hand on the armrest, patting it, before putting his hand back in his lap.

Dean looked at Sam. For the first time since Sam had been back, Dean felt that maybe his brother was really in there somewhere. “Thanks, Sammy.” Dean said softly.

“’Course, Dean.” Sam said before leaning his head back and closing his eyes.

Dean’s heart was beating fast and his hand was tingling. He wanted so much to reach over and take Sam’s hand back into his. He’d missed that innocent contact with his brother so much. Dean closed his eyes and reclined a bit, trying to calm himself.

Somewhere over the ocean, Dean fell asleep. A while later, he shifted and ended up leaning against Sam. Sam opened his eyes and looked down at Dean, who was sleeping peacefully. Objectively, he looked beautiful – like an angel, but in the way they used to think about angels, not the way they knew them to be.

Dean moaned in his sleep as he shifted again. His neck was cranked to the side and Sam figured he’d wake up with a stiff neck if he didn’t adjust. Sam thought about what he would have done pre-hell. Sam sighed and reclined back so that he was at the same level as Dean. He then snaked his arm behind Dean, pulling him over and placing his head on Sam’s shoulder.

Sam rested his head against Dean’s and wished that he could feel the way he used to feel about his brother. About them.

Dean awoke during the descent into JFK. He was surprised to find himself snuggled up against Sam with Sam’s arm around him, holding him. Dean was almost afraid to breathe because he didn’t want Sam to know he was now awake; he just wanted to enjoy the feeling of being in his brother’s arms.

Dean kept his breathing steady and concentrated on committing this moment to memory for those times when he needed this contact with his brother but couldn’t get it.

Sam was well aware of the fact that Dean was awake. He let Dean enjoy their closeness. He owed his brother that much. 

When the seat belt light came back on, signaling the final descent into JFK, Dean sat up with a start, feigning as though he just now realized that they were landing soon. Dean looked at Sam as he drew away from him. “Sorry for crowding you, Sammy.”

Sam smiled at Dean, trying to put some kind of positive emotion into his expression. “It’s ok, Dean. It was nice to see you relaxed on the flight.”

Dean smiled softly and brought his seat back up into the upright position. Sam did the same. They both looked down on New York City as the plane circled into its landing vector. As the plane slowed and the pilots adjusted the drag on the wings, Sam reached for Dean’s hand and held it all the way to the ground.

Dean was still worried about Sam but for the first time since they’d been back together, Dean let himself feel a little bit of hope.


	6. Live Free or Twi-Hard

“I can always count on you, right Sammy?” 

“Of course, Dean.”

Over and over in his head, Dean replayed the exchange in his head as he tried to fall asleep. When that loop wasn’t playing, he had to suffer through the image of Sam watching as the vamp turned him, doing nothing to help him – just standing there with a calculating expression on his face.

Sam was asleep in the other bed. Or doing an awesome impression of Sam sleeping, Dean thought bitterly. He couldn’t even trust his own instincts anymore. Sam could very well be lying there, listening to him toss and turn as he struggled to find some peace.

_“I can always count on you, right Sammy?”_

_“Of course, Dean.”_

Dean remembered when he could count on Sam, although to be fair, he’d always had doubts after Sam went off on his demon blood escapade. Those doubts had been erased as Sam fell backwards into the pit, carrying Lucifer and Michael with him. For the year Sam had been gone, Dean had remembered Sam for his sweetness, his love, the love they shared… and Sam’s courage at the end.

Those feelings of love and trust had been replaced with confusion and doubt… and now, Dean recognized that there was fear: just what exactly was his “brother”? A doppelganger? A remnant? Some kind of cleaned up version of a zombie? Or worse… some new kind of monster?

Dean didn’t believe Bobby’s suggestion that Sam might just be… Sam. No way. There was nothing recognizable about this version of Sam.

Except on the plane. Things had almost been normal then. Sam said the right things, did the right things… seemed himself.

Maybe he was possessed and he was in there, trapped, only surfacing occasionally while… something… wore him like a meat suit.

Dean sat up and looked at Sam. Sam hadn’t moved and was still breathing deeply, seemingly asleep. But Dean wasn’t sure… Sam had been nearly motionless, which also creeped him out. He was used to Sam shifting position, making little noises if he were dreaming… he’d neither seen nor heard any of that since he and Sam had teamed up to hunt.

Dean swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood. He quickly pulled on his jeans and shirt before walking quietly to the table by the door to grab the keys of the Impala. With one last look at Sam, Dean eased open the motel door and went out into the night. He need to drive. And to think.

When the door closed, Sam opened his eyes and sat up. He saw the headlights of the Impala flash across the sheer drapes in the room before disappearing into the darkness of the night. Sam knew that Dean was sniffing his way to the truth – that Sam wasn’t who he used to be – and Sam wondered how this was going to end.

Would Dean kill him because he thought his brother was a monster? Sam closed his eyes, remembering all the times he’d given his body to Dean, letting him so deep inside. Sam remembered the love… the sheer strength of that love. A love so strong that all the angels and all the demons in the world couldn’t break it.

Sam knew then that Dean wouldn’t kill him. But maybe that wasn’t the worst thing Dean could – or would – do to him. Sam thought briefly of running – just leaving Dean behind – but he knew that no matter where he went, Dean would eventually find him. So Sam decided to stay and accept whatever came his way. And maybe, just maybe, Dean would be able to figure out how to fix him since he clearly couldn’t do it himself.

Sam lay back in the bed, covering himself up to his chin with the blankets. He wondered how long Dean would be gone… or if he would come back at all.


	7. You Can't Handle the Truth

_“But the minute he walked through that door, I knew it was over. You two have the most unhealthy, tangled-up, crazy thing I’ve ever seen. And as long as he’s in your life, you’re never gonna be happy.”_

Lisa’s voice rang through Dean’s head again and again. Dean realized then that Lisa had known about the type of relationship he and Sam had had all along. Dean was filled with a sense of shame… not about the relationship he and Sam had shared but about lying to Lisa for so long… and her knowing that he was lying. Dean wiped at his eyes with his sleeve.

And then there was Sam.

_“There’s something really wrong with me, I’ve known it for a while now.”_

_“I let you get turned because I knew there was a cure.”_

_“Nothing scares me anymore cuz I can’t feel it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I think I need help.”_

Dean’s tears began anew. He’s known there was something wrong with Sam. He just hadn’t wanted to believe it. But the goddess Veritas… she’d known right away. Dean had been horrified and relieved, all at once.

God… he wanted his brother back so much. He’d been willing to deal with the distance… but not this… not Sam as a monster, something not fully human… or maybe not human at all. That was untenable.

Dean flexed his hand and remembered the feeling of his fist hitting Sam’s face again and again, until he was unconscious. He’d been angry and had beaten Sam… even came close to killing him. But he’d stopped himself, the same way Sam had stopped Lucifer from beating Dean. 

He still loved Sam – more than anything. He had to figure out what was wrong with him… and then fix it.

Now Sam sat in a chair in the motel room, hands bound and his face bloody, still unconscious.

Dean stepped up to Sam and gently cupped his face with his hands. He looked at his marks on his brother’s face, regretting what he’d had to do. Dean used his thumb to gently caress Sam’s cheek. He closed his eyes and repeated the motion several times in a row, remembering what it used to be like between them.

Sam’s skin was still soft, and Dean couldn’t deny that even this monstrous version of Sam turned him on. Every time he looked at this Sam, he wanted him. And he couldn’t deny that way down deep inside, he was still hopelessly in love with his brother.

Dean leaned down and pressed his lips to his brother’s. He imagined that Sam’s lips responded to his instead of them being slack against his own. At least they were warm, Dean thought.

Dean kissed Sam’s forehead and then turned away to wipe the tears from his eyes. They wouldn’t stop flowing. He just wanted to figure out what was wrong with Sam and maybe – just maybe – get back to the way things used to be.

“Castiel, I’m praying to your feathery butt. Please haul ass down here. Sam’s in big trouble.” Dean opened his eyes as looked for Cas in the room. Nothing animate except he and Sam. Dean closed his eyes and tried again. “Cas, c’mon man… I need you right now. Sam’s in danger, man. Please… help me.”

Dean felt the gust of wind before he actually saw Cas.

“Dean.” Cas said flatly, looking frazzled. 

“I need you to figure out what’s wrong with Sam.” Dean said without any of the pleasantries.

Cas looked at Dean and thought about what a selfish bastard he could be sometimes. But when it came to Sam, Cas expected nothing less.

“Ok… let me see what I can do.” Cas said before beginning his assessment.

Dean watched in silence, a look of worry and concern on his face. He needed to know what was wrong with Sam. Sam’s life depended on it. Literally. 

Because if Dean couldn’t figure out what was wrong with Sam or he couldn’t fix it, then Dean would have to do what he’d been taught to do with a monster.

Kill it.


	8. Family Matters

“And then we track Crowley down and give that son of a bitch what’s coming to him.” Sam said before asking, “Ya with me, Dean?”

Dean looked at his brother who was both his brother and not his brother. This soulless version of Sam had surprised him. He’d done what he said he would and he let Dean take the lead. Maybe they could still work together as they figured out how to get Sam’s soul back from hell.

“Yeah, Sam. I’m with ya.” Dean responded as he turned and started walking toward the Impala. Sam followed, saying nothing.

They took their seats in the car and Dean guided Baby out onto the main road. He jumped when Sam spoke.

“I felt you, you know.”

Dean looked at him in confusion. “You felt something? I thought you couldn’t feel anything.”

Sam blinked. “Let me restate: I experienced the physical sensation, Dean. Of your lips on mine.”

Dean turned red and kept his eyes on the road, saying nothing.

“I know you’re still in love with me, Dean. Or would be, if my soul were in here.” Sam said softly. Sam watched Dean’s expression as he reacted to Sam’s statement. It was like a predator watching its prey for some kind of weakness it could exploit.

“What if I am?” Dean bit out, hating that Sam was making him talk about this. Hating that he’d used the present tense instead of the conditional or past tense. He wished he’d said, “What if I were?”… leaving some doubt that it was still true.

But he hadn’t. Without thinking, he’d revealed that indeed, he was still very much in love with the man sitting next to him. Dean even knew deep down that if they couldn’t get Sam’s soul back, he’d find a way to love this Sam, too.

He felt disgusted by his own weakness – even though it was the same weakness – his love for Sam – that had driven his actions for nearly his entire life.

Sam reached over and placed his hand on Dean’s thigh. “Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to keep my hands off of you?” Sam asked, his voice low and raspy. “To not come to you in the night and beg you for your touch?”

Dean looked at Sam quickly and then turned his eyes back to the road. “Stop it, Sam.”

Sam squeezed Dean’s thigh and then removed his hand. Dean closed his eyes briefly, trying to get his heart beat under control. He took a few deep breaths and then opened his eyes and stared straight ahead.

“Dean…” Sam said, his voice still low and tinged with heat. “Every time I look at you, every instinct inside me screams for me to pick you up and push you against a wall or the car… or to lay you down on a bed… anything just to get my hands on you. To kiss you. To bury myself inside you…”

Dean swallowed audibly. He wanted those very same things, but couldn’t… destroy… his memories of the real Sam like that. No way. 

“Sam… please don’t.” Dean whispered.

“Dean… I gotta tell you this.” Sam said imploringly. “You need to know that if it were up to me – and if I completely disregarded the memories of how much I loved you when I had a soul – I would be balls deep inside you all the time, or I’d take you deep inside of me… fuck… so hot… we were so fucking hot together…”

“Shut up.” Dean couldn’t look at Sam. He prayed he would listen and just stop talking.

“Well, we were Dean. So fucking hot… I loved giving you head… Jesus… the feeling of your cock against my tongue as I’d swallow you down. Licking and teasing the tip, spreading your precome with my tongue… tasting the saltiness… I would get so turned on by sucking your cock, I had to concentrate on not coming just from doing it.” Sam’s voice was low. 

And dangerous.

Sam adjusted his cock, which was responding to his memories of how things used to be with Dean. His cock ached and he just wanted some release. He pressed down on it, wanting to stroke it but trying to keep himself under control all at the same time.

“And when you’d come in my mouth, Dean… the feeling of your cock pulsing and shooting come down my throat… knowing I could make you lose control like that… I fucking loved every second of it.”

“I said shut up, Sam!” Dean roared as he pulled the Impala off the road and onto the shoulder, slamming the brakes and causing the car to skid in the gravel. When the car was fully stopped, Dean threw it in park and jumped out of the car. He stomped around the front of the car and wrenched open the passenger door.

“Get out.” Dean hissed. Sam slid out of the car and stood up, looking at his brother expectantly.

“What?”

Dean grabbed Sam by the collar of his coat with both hands and slammed him up against the car.

“When I tell you to shut up, you shut the fuck up, Sam!” Dean yelled, his face a mask of fury.

“I thought you’d want to know, Dean… about how hard it is for me.” Sam paused. “To not touch you, I mean.”

Dean pushed Sam back and then released him, turning away and running his hands down his face. “How hard it is for you?!” Dean yelled. “You!” Dean shook his head and balled his hands into fists before turning back to glare at Sam. 

“Did you ever think about how hard it is for me to hear you say this shit? I mean… Jesus Christ! I’ve been in love with my brother for years! For years! You look like him, you sound like him, you smell like him… and then you lay this crap on me about wanting me?” 

Dean felt tears gather in his eyes. “I would give anything – anything – to hear my real brother say those things to me. I know you can’t feel anything… but for fuck’s sake… do you not understand what you’re doing to me?”

Dean’s tears ran down his face. Sam wanted to fix things so he took a step forward. Dean held up his hands. “No, man. You stay there. Whatever you’re about to do – touch me, hug me… something else… if you do that right now, you’ll break me. So if there’s anything inside you that even gives the tiniest shit about me at all… just stop.”

Sam stepped back and slid his hands into his pockets, looking troubled. “I want to feel bad right now, Dean. I do. There is something inside me telling me not to hurt you… so… I will respect your wishes and I won’t bring this up again.” 

Sam exhaled and then continued. “I’ll turn my attentions elsewhere, Dean. I’ll… go with women to get some release. Maybe that will help with my… desires.” Sam lowered his head. “Maybe it will help me forget… us… so I can quit chasing how I used to feel.” Sam whispered.

Dean stared at Sam. Sam’s admission that he actually wanted to feel the way he used to was a good sign, Dean thought. It brought him just the tiniest bit of peace to know that this Sam found the memory of how they used to be together important enough to at least want to try to get it back. That had to count, right?

Dean needed his brother so much. But this wasn’t him. Maybe it would never be him. “Let’s go.” Dean said emotionlessly. 

Sam nodded once and got back in the car. Dean followed and then pulled the Impala back onto the road. 

They didn’t speak again for hours and then they only spoke of their next case, both avoiding any other topic. But Dean couldn’t forget Sam’s words about how much he still wanted him.

And Dean couldn’t stop wanting Sam, too.


	9. All Dogs Go To Heaven

“I was that other Sam for a long time. It was… it was kinda harder. But there are also things about it I remember that…” Sam paused and looked at Dean. “Let’s just say I think I should probably go back to being him.” 

Sam’s thoughts were solely on the relationship he and Dean used to have. Not just their brotherly one, but the way they were in love with one another. He wanted his soul back for one reason and one reason only: so he could have what he used to have with the man sitting across from him.

“Very interesting. It’s a step.” Dean replied, his heart breaking at this Sam telling him that he didn’t really care about him, except for the fact that he could help him. He wondered what Sam had been about to say when he spoke of things he remembered. Dean looked into Sam’s eyes but they revealed nothing. Nothing new, anyway.

“So?” Sam looked at Dean expectantly. Dean could see the desire in Sam’s eyes. It was always there, just below the surface, taunting him with the memories of what they used to share.

“We do what we gotta do… and we get my brother back.” Dean looked at Sam, the meaning clear in his eyes. He wanted his brother back in every way possible.

Sam nodded. He knew Dean needed all of Sam back. It disturbed him, too, though that Dean was so willing to eradicate the man in front of him. Dean only cared about who his brother used to be. Sam supposed he could understand that, based on his memories of how they had been together, but it still didn’t make sense to him that Dean seemed to have no feelings for him as he was.

Sam thought about their most recent confrontation. He’d been so fucking hard after telling Dean that he still wanted him. And knowing that, down deep, Dean probably wanted him even as he was right now? Well, that, quite frankly was a turn on.

Sam looked out into the park from their vantage point of the picnic table. He had to stop tormenting himself with thoughts of all the incredibly hot erotic times Sam and Dean used to share. They had been so fucking intense together… so into each other… so oblivious of others… it was hard for Sam to push those memories down.

After everything Sam and Dean had shared over the years, Sam’s body just instinctively responded to Dean – visually, physically – at times it was physically painful for Sam to be so close to Dean with no hope of any kind word or touch. And this Sam, he wanted that. He didn’t really understand why, because it wouldn’t make him feel the emotions he remembered, but certainly his body craved it.

Sam knew then that his statement about picking up women going forward should be more than just an idle threat. He had to actually do it… otherwise, he feared what he might do if he could no longer fight off his urges to take Dean to all of the places they used to go sexually. He could only do so much with his own hand.

And, out of respect for the love he remembered, there was no way he would ever hurt Dean. Even soulless, Sam knew that would be wrong.

On the other hand, Sam was fairly certain that if he cornered Dean and kissed him senseless, rubbing his hands up and down his body, getting him hard… Dean would consent. Sam could tell how much Dean missed his brother – how much he needed him and his touch and his love. If Sam tried to capitalize on that, Dean wouldn’t be able to say no. 

Sam thought about Dean begging him not to break him. 

Sam wouldn’t do that.

He couldn’t. 

The Sam he used to be had no limits with Dean – the only place in his life where he hadn’t limited himself at all. It was ironic that now, when Sam without a soul had no limits in any part of his life, the only place he did have them was with Dean.

Sam rose from the picnic table, willing his cock to settle. He pulled his jacket tighter so Dean wouldn’t see… wouldn’t be afraid. Of him.

Dean stood and stretched. “Yeah… let’s hit the road.”

Sam let Dean go first and then he followed, studiously keeping his eyes trained on the back of Dean’s head. He could not look at Dean’s ass without wanting it so badly that his hands would itch just to feel it. Nope… he was going to stay on the straight and narrow and go find himself a willing female at the next available opportunity.

Sam had no soul but he had needs.


	10. Clap Your Hands if You Believe

“You’re not, are you? Having second thoughts about getting your soul back?” Dean asked Sam before taking a sip of beer.

Sam looked at Dean. “No…”

Dean nodded and looked out at the fields before them.

Sam looked out at the fields, too. They were both thinking about Sam’s soul. Dean was dreaming about the day when his beloved baby brother would be restored to him and Sam was thinking about whether or not he should go through with it.

Sam slid off the Impala and placed his empty bottle in the cooler. He stretched his arms above his head and then started walking.

“Where ya goin’ Sam?” Dean asked as he slid from the car, ready to follow.

Sam didn’t look back as he walked down the dirt road. “For a walk.” He yelled back at Dean. “I’ll be back.”

Dean didn’t trust his soulless brother so he jogged to catch up to him. “Gonna walk with you, Sam, if you don’t mind.” Dean said as he fell into step next to his brother. Sam looked at him in annoyance and then looked straight ahead, saying nothing.

Dean, likewise, said nothing as they walked along the road. Their strides matched in length and pace, a cadence that could only have been born out of years of working together in perfect synchronization. Dean tried hard not to think about just how many things about this Sam were the same as his brother. It was eerie… like a shapeshifter or a skinwalker but worse, knowing it was neither.

Sam ran the math on getting his soul back. More and more it was looking like a losing proposition. He’d wanted so much to feel the way he used to about Dean… that was his sole driver for getting his soul back. But all of the other implications of doing so… well, they now seemed to outweigh the original premise.

Sam wondered if he practiced enough… could he be enough like the old Sam to get Dean to fall in love with this version? It wasn’t like he could return the feelings, but he remembered how he’d acted when he was in love with Dean: the hugs, the kisses, the tender caresses. He could do all of that the way he was right now. Of course he could.

What Sam didn’t understand was that it was all of the other things that Dean loved… the sex was just icing on the cake. Sam’s compassion, his empathy… his ability to connect with people. His moral compass and need to do the right thing. Those were the things that made Sam who he was. The fact that Sam was also loving and supportive of Dean – that was a bonus. And the fact that he liked to get dirty with Dean… well, that was pure bliss. 

Without the basic character traits of Sam, though, the rest of it meant little to Dean. That was something that this Sam just couldn’t comprehend.

While Sam ran the math, Dean thought about the last few days. Sam had been direct and rude and, while funny and accurate, the least like his Sam he’d seen him to date. Dean still couldn’t believe that Sam had fucked Patchouli in Dean’s bed while he’d been abducted. Old Sam would have never given up looking for him. This Sam? He certainly wasn’t affected by a Dean in danger.

Dean sighed softly when he thought about walking into the motel room and finding Sam with that woman. He’d been stunned. Sam had said he was going to find release with a woman – or even a few women – but deep down, Dean had hoped that Sam would remain fixed on him and that his desire for Dean would be enough to stop him from going elsewhere.

Nope. This Sam? Sometimes he was true to his word.

They walked 2 miles west of the Impala before Sam slowed to a stop. He looked up at the sky for a moment and then turned to head back to the Impala. Dean followed Sam, this time hanging back to watch Sam walk. Same pace, same style… every step screamed “Sam Walking!” Dean shook his head and picked up his pace until he was even with Sam again.

Neither man said anything all the way back to the car. Without speaking they took their seats, with Dean sliding in later after picking up the cooler and stowing it in the trunk. When Dean started the engine, Sam looked at him. “I’m just processing this, Dean. Give me time.”

Dean nodded once. “Well, based on how awesome our lives have gone thus far, if there’s one thing I’m sure of, it’s that we have lots and lots of time, Sam.” Dean shook his head and put Baby into Drive. 

A big plume of red dust followed them to the highway.


	11. Caged Heat

“You obviously care a lot. But I think I’m better off without my soul.” Sam said, shaking his head. He’d run the math. Getting his soul back was no longer worth it. He could die in the process. Or his brain could turn to jello. Why was Dean willing to risk his physical form? Why couldn’t Dean love this version of him? 

Sam knew he had to go.

“You’re wrong,” Dean replied, “You don’t know how wrong you are.” Dean remembered his brother. The way he should be. That Sam was gentle and kind. He cared about humanity and he’d loved his brother with abandon. If Dean couldn’t have that brother back… it was better to have no brother at all. He really believed that. 

This Sam still creeped him out. He didn’t trust him. And he couldn’t love him. Not entirely. He could want him though, and Dean did. But he wouldn’t let himself dwell on that.

“I’m not sure about that.” Sam said in return as he walked away. One thing he was sure about was the fact that he wasn’t going to let Dean put his soul back in him. No way. He’d find a way to stop it.

“Sam, don’t walk away!” Dean shouted at his brother. “Sam… I said don’t walk away.”

Sam kept walking as Dean looked on.

Dean wanted to chase Sam, but he couldn’t get his feet to move. He was still thinking about Sam rejecting the idea of restoring his soul. He sounded indecisive now, but was clearly well on his way to making a decision. 

Maybe already had.

Dean finally got his feet to move so he ran, full speed, after Sam, finally catching up with him two blocks away. “Sam.” Dean said as he grabbed Sam’s arm and spun him around.

Sam looked at him flatly. “Dean, why did you come after me? I’ll be back… I just wanted to get away…” Dean didn’t need Sam to add the “from you” part to that statement. Positive sign, though, that Sam had held himself back from saying it.

Dean grabbed Sam’s hands and looked at him intently. “You remember all those things you said about still wanting me? About how good it felt to… be… together? About chasing the way you used to feel about me… about us? Sammy… if your soul is back where it belongs, we can have that… all of it… again. We can be what we used to be… we can be together.”

Sam ripped his hands away from Dean, favoring him with a cold look. “So… you’re going to use our previous relationship against me… to bend me into your way of thinking when I’ve done nothing but try to not do the same to you for the last six months?” 

Sam’s gaze was one of incredulity. “Remember, now… I’m the one without the soul, Dean. I expected better from you.”

Dean looked crestfallen. “I’m sorry, Sam.” Dean looked away and then back into Sam’s eyes before continuing. “I’m sorry, man… it’s just that I’m so close to having the real you back… I miss my brother. I know you can understand that, even if you don’t feel it…”

Sam furrowed his brow. “You do realize, of course, that I am ‘real’ and I am also your brother, right? I’m a living entity and maybe I’m not just like you but there’s a me here that I don’t want to die. If you love me as you say you do… why do you want me to suffer so? Why do you want me to feel pain?” Sam shook his head. “That doesn’t seem like love to me, Dean.”

Dean looked at Sam in defeat. “I’m sorry to have to break it to you, Sammy… but in your current state, you don’t know the first damn thing about love. And I know – because the Sam you used to be taught me everything I do know about it.” Dean spun on his heel and jogged back to the car. He slid into the driver’s seat, taking deep breaths to calm himself. 

Minutes later, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. He wanted… his brother.

Alone in the car, his emotions in turmoil, Dean waited for Sam.


	12. Appointment in Samarra

Dean watched Sam scream in agony as Death restored Sam’s soul to his body. Dean shut his eyes, trying to hold back his tears. He now ran the risk of losing the little bit of Sam he had left. Dean wanted to scream “stop” at Death when he was restoring Sam’s soul. Dean knew real fear as Sam started screaming.

Dean had held himself back, though, ultimately deciding that having the real Sam back… the Sam he was still in love with, having him back in his arms, was worth the risk. He knew that being with the soulless version of Sam was killing him little by little every day… and eventually Sam may even kill him himself. 

After all, he’d tried to kill Bobby.

As Sam continued to scream, Dean turned and ran back up the stairs, unable to bear any more pain for the moment. He almost missed a step near the top because he could no longer see through his tears.

Bobby watched on as Sam quieted and slipped into what could only be described as a coma. When he was certain that Sam would be out for a while – potentially a long while – Bobby turned and went upstairs to look for Dean.

Bobby found Dean at the table. He was drinking his old rot gut with tears streaming down his face. Bobby stood next to Dean and placed his hand on his shoulder. “He’s resting, son. Now we wait and hope that, if Sam wakes, we recognize the man who walks out of that panic room.”

Dean nodded. He was so worried, he couldn’t even talk right now.

Bobby took a seat at the table and poured them another couple of shots.

“So, Dean… I gotta ask… are you gonna be able to separate the last 6 months from the Sam who might wake up down there? Are you gonna be able to forget the things he did to you? To us?”

Dean looked into his glass, swirling the alcohol around and around. “Bobby…” Dean whispered. “If the Sam that wakes up is the Sam I lost to the pit, then yeah. I’m gonna forget it all. Every bit of it. I’m gonna let my joy wipe the slate clean.”

Bobby nodded and looked into his own glass. He wouldn’t find any answers there but it was easier than telling Dean he didn’t know if he could forget as easily. It was a while before Bobby spoke again. “So… if Sam wakes up as Sam… do you think that… the… uh…relationship you… oh balls.”

Dean looked up at Bobby. “You tryin’ to ask if I’m still desperately in love with my brother, Bobby?”

Bobby nodded his head once and waited.

Dean knocked back another shot and leaned his head back. “Hell yes, Bobby. Nothing has changed there. Nothing has ever changed… Sammy’s it for me, Bobby. He’s all I ever wanted and all I’ll ever want. I don’t see that ever changing. Not even after this.”

Bobby said nothing for a minute. “Did you and this Sam…?”

Dean snorted. “The hell of it is Bobby, no, we didn’t. He wanted to but he wouldn’t try anything because he could remember how he used to feel… and he didn’t want to destroy that. We thought this Sam didn’t have any limits, but it turns out he did.”

Bobby read between the lines and asked a clarifying question. “Did you want to?”

Dean lowered his head and looked at the table, trying to figure out how to answer that. He settled on the truth. “Yeah, Bobby.” Dean whispered. “I did. If he’d pressed the matter… I wouldn’t have been able to resist for long.” Dean paused. “But he didn’t. He was good about it. Mostly.”

“Mostly?” Bobby asked, wondering what that meant.

Dean sighed. “Well, sometimes he’d talk about it… it great detail. Remembering. And I’d tell him to shut up. It was pure torment. Maybe for both of us. Me, on the emotional side… him… on the… uh… physical side. Those conversations only happened a couple of times, so mostly he was good. Even honorable about it.”

“Huh.” Bobby said. Maybe it was time to change the subject. And then Bobby realized that for Dean, there wasn’t any other subject to discuss. So they drank.

Hours passed before Dean looked up and fixed Bobby with a bleary-eyed gaze. “How long’re we gonna have to wait?”

Bobby shook his head. “Don’t know, son.”

Dean rose, albeit unsteadily and waved his hand at Bobby. “Gonna lie down.”

Dean planted his face in the sofa and was asleep in minutes.

Bobby sat at the table all night, wondering if he’d hug Sam when he saw him or kill him.

Bobby still didn’t know.


	13. Like a Virgin (Intermission)

Dean watched Sam eat. He was so fucking happy to have Sam, his Sammy, back. He had felt it in the hug they’d shared. Sam was fully in there, full of emotion. Full of his soul. In every glance, in every action, this was his Sammy. 

Bobby stayed for a while but eventually wandered out into the yard to give the boys some privacy.

Sam finished the last of his sandwich and took another swig of beer. “Can’t believe I was gone 18 months, Dean.” Sam said in wonder. He then fixed his gaze on Dean, his eyes growing soft as he looked his brother up and down. “You look so good…” Sam whispered, longing in his voice.

Dean smiled and scooted his chair closer so he could take Sam’s hand in his. “You look so good, Sammy… truly a sight for sore eyes.” Dean rubbed the back of Sam’s knuckles with his thumb, his heart lifting when Sam squeezed his hand and looked at him with his eyes full of emotion… full of love.

Sam sighed and let his gaze linger on Dean’s lips. “It never occurred to me that we might have another chance…” Sam let the sentence trail off, raising his eyes to look into Dean’s. Dean could see the question in Sam’s eyes. Did they still have a chance?

Dean slowly leaned forward and captured Sam’s lips in a gentle kiss, taking his time, letting the little licks and nibbles linger as he savored the emotion-filled response of his brother. Sam made a little noise of need in his throat as he reached down to pull Dean’s chair closer. He then wrapped his arms around Dean and deepened their kiss.

Dean felt at peace for the first time since Sam came back; really and truly at peace. Sam slowed their kiss and then gently pulled away. “The very last thing I remember, Dean… was you, up against the car, your face broken by my hand… but I had this image in my head… that gave me strength to fall. Do you know what that image was, Dean?” Sam whispered.

“No, Sammy…”

“It was of you, holding me tight.” Sam kissed Dean softly and then pulled back so he could see his brother. “That’s the last thing I remember… just you holding me tight, your love enveloping me as I fell.”

Dean wiped a tear from his cheek. “Sammy…” Dean’s voice was soft and full of love. “I’ve missed you so fucking much. You have no idea…”

Sam stood and held his hand out to Dean, helping him up. Sam then led Dean across Bobby’s main level and into the sitting room. Sam pulled Dean onto the couch with him and wrapped him up in his arms. “Can we just be like this together for a while, Dean?” Sam asked quietly. “I need your arms around me… I need to feel you… is that okay?”

Dean cupped Sam’s face, gently stroking his cheek with his thumb before kissing him softly. “Course, Sammy… I need that, too.” 

When Sam fell asleep in Dean’s arms, Dean carefully laid him back on the sofa and then grabbed two beers from the refrigerator before heading out into the yard to talk to Bobby.


	14. Like a Virgin (Postlude)

Dean and Sam went upstairs to their usual room at Bobby’s. They went to the bathroom in the hall and jostled for counter space as they brushed their teeth. Sam followed Dean back into the room. He felt hesitant and scared. He didn’t deserve Dean’s love after everything he’d put him through.

Sam still couldn’t believe he’d been up and about without a soul. That he’d tried to kill Bobby… that he’d let Dean be turned into a vampire, even though he had known there was a cure. He’d done horrible, horrible things. Things he would never forgive himself for.

Sam wanted to lie down with Dean but instead he kept walking toward his bed. He didn’t deserve to be held by Dean. He had much to atone for and he intended to do just that.

Dean watched Sam walk by, heading toward his bed. “Where are you going?” Dean said quietly, so as to not disturb Bobby down the hall.

“To bed.” Sam responded simply as he slid beneath the sheets, keeping his eyes on the ceiling.

Dean looked over at Sam and narrowed his eyes. “Yeah? You think you’re going to sleep over there by yourself, big guy?”

Sam looked at Dean, his eyes awash in tears. “It’s what I deserve, Dean.” Sam whispered as he wiped away an errant tear.

Dean looked at Sam with sadness in his eyes. He strode around his bed and knelt down next to Sam’s. “Sammy… no… that’s not what you deserve. You didn’t bring yourself out of hell. It’s not your fault you didn’t have a soul…”

Sam looked away so Dean stood and pushed him over, spooning him from behind. “You listen to me little brother,” Dean whispered in his brother’s ear. “We’re gonna get through this. Together. Like we always do. And you? You need to quit scratchin’ at that wall and cut yourself a little slack. None of this was your fault. You saved the goddamned world. Remember that.”

Dean hugged Sam tight, holding him as he cried himself to sleep. Dean planted a soft kiss on the nape of Sam’s neck before allowing himself to join his brother in slumber.

He could worry about the Mother of All tomorrow.


	15. Unforgiven (Prelude)

Sam and Dean left Bobby’s to head out on a regular hunt. They drove east, headed for Springfield, IL. They found a motel on the outskirts of town. Dean pulled the Impala in front of the room and put the car in Park. He leaned over with his lips pursed, begging for a kiss and making Sam laugh as he leaned across and kissed Dean gently.

Dean cupped Sam’s face with his hand and looked into his eyes. “So glad you’re back, Sammy… here with me… feels so fucking good.” Sam leaned forward to kiss Dean again. He took his time, loving the sensation of Dean’s lips moving against his.

“I love you, Dean.” Sam whispered.

Dean smiled and kissed Sam firmly. “Love you, too, little brother.”

They got out of the car and grabbed their gear, hauling it into the room. It was their first night truly alone and both of the brothers were nervous and yet excited.

Dean walked over to Sam, wrapping his arms around him. “Sammy…” Dean whispered before kissing Sam’s bicep. Sam turned in Dean’s arms and pulled him close, inhaling the scent that was uniquely Dean. Sam ran his hands up and down Dean’s body, touching, caressing, grabbing as his hands traveled, loving the feeling of his brother’s firm muscles beneath his hands.

Sam stepped back, breathing heavily. “Dean…” Sam said softly, his eyes full of need.

Dean took Sam’s hand and led him to one of the beds. “Lay down, Sammy.” Dean then went to his duffel and searched around until he found their lube. The very same bottle they last used. He’d never been able to throw it away. Dean walked back to the bed, placing the lube on the bedside table.

Dean began removing his clothes. Sam watched for a moment before removing his own. When they were both naked, Dean lay down next to Sam on the bed, his head propped up on his hand as he looked down at his brother. Dean took his index finger and began tracing the contours of Sam’s face.

“Do you have any idea how good it is to see emotion in your eyes, Sammy?” Dean whispered. “I’ve missed you – and this – so much.”

Sam pulled Dean on top of him, kissing him softly as he completed the turn, rolling Dean on his back. “Wanna make love to you, Dean.” Sam said softly. “Like I did when I covered your body in kisses.” Sam paused. “Do you remember that?”

Dean closed his eyes, suppressing a shudder. Just remembering that overwhelmed him with emotion. He remembered crying his way through Sammy’s efforts. “I’d love that, Sammy…”

Sam pushed himself up and over Dean. Sam looked into Dean’s eyes and kissed him softly. “Love you.” Sam whispered as he began kissing Dean reverently. Dean’s eyelids, his cheeks, his neck… Sam worked his way down his brother’s torso. This time, it was Sam who was crying uncontrollably as he reached Dean’s stomach.

Dean took Sam’s arms in his hands and gently pulled, bringing Sam into a hug. “Don’t cry, Sammy.”

Sam let out a sob. “I’m so sorry, Dean… for everything I did the last 18 months… and even before that. I don’t know how you can stand to even be with me.”

Dean rolled Sam onto his back and shifted himself on top of him. He looked steadily at Sam. “I love you, Sammy. I’ve been in love with you for so long… how could I not be with you? Nothing you’ve done is so bad that my love for you would ever disappear.”

Sam sniffled. Dean wiped his tears away and then kissed him softly. “Let me love you.” Dean whispered. He didn’t wait, he just acted. 

Dean kissed his way down Sam’s body. Taking his time, planting kiss after kiss, using his hands to touch and stroke Sam’s arms and chest. Dean lifted his head to look at Sam as his hand hovered over his cock. “Love you, Sammy.” Dean said as he wrapped his fingers around his brother’s cock, stroking it slowly, watching as it hardened in his hand. 

Sam moaned and shut his eyes, focusing on the sensation of his brother’s touch. Dean then ran his tongue straight down Sam’s cock and over his balls. “Gonna eat you, Sammy…” Dean said quietly but with intensity shining through his eyes.

Sam groaned as Dean spread him open, letting his gaze linger on the puckered flesh. “So tight, Sammy.” Dean said before teasing the sensitive skin with his tongue. Sam’s hips bucked in response and Sam gasped as Dean flattened his tongue, working to open Sam up. Dean licked and sucked and teased Sam into a frenzy. 

Sam lifted himself up on his elbows so he could watch Dean. Dean met Sam’s eyes with his own as he slid his tongue deep inside of his brother. Sam closed his eyes and shuddered with desire. “Dean… god, please…”

Dean lapped at Sam’s hole until it was wet and wanting. Dean ran his tongue over Sam’s balls and straight up his cock, swirling his tongue in the precome waiting at the tip. He let Sam see how much he enjoyed the taste of Sam on his tongue. 

“So wet, Sammy… almost ready for me.” Dean whispered as he grabbed the lube. He let Sam watch him lube his fingers. He did it slowly, letting Sam think about them sliding inside him.

Sam lay his head back on the pillow, putting his forearm over his eyes. He spread his legs wider and begged Dean to hurry. “Please, Dean… need you…”

Dean slid two fingers right into Sam, causing him to moan. “Oh yeah… fuck… ya…” Dean fucked Sam with his fingers, working him open, loosening him up, readying him for his cock. When Dean felt Sam was ready, he used his dripping fingers to slick up his cock.

Dean positioned himself between Sam’s legs and started to press in. “Look at me, Sammy.”

Sam took his forearm off of his face and looked up at Dean. He had tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t save my rehymenization for you, Dean…” Sam’s lip quivered as he worked at holding in his roiling emotions.

Dean slid all the way inside Sam and then looked down at him. “You did, Sammy… this is it… I’m taking your revirginity right now.”

Sam shook his head. “No, Dean… all those women…”

Dean began thrusting into Sam. “No, Sammy. That wasn’t you. You have to stop that way of thinking.” Dean gasped as Sam tightened himself around him. “Aww fuck, Sammy… you feel so fucking good… just let me love you, ok?”

Sam nodded and pulled Dean’s face down, kissing him deep and dirty. Dean started pounding into Sam, his strokes long and hard. Sam gasped and moaned every time Dean’s cock slammed inside him. “Yeah, Dean… yeah… like that… fuck…” Sam said over and over, encouraging Dean to take everything he wanted to give him.

Dean reached between them, taking Sam’s cock in his hand. He began stroking in time with his thrusts and it wasn’t long before Sam let out a shout, “Dean!” as his hot come spurted out over their stomachs and Dean’s hand. Dean’s pace faltered for a moment as Sam thrashed and tightened around his cock with his aftershocks.

Sam had enough energy left to wrap his legs around Dean and he used his arms to pull Dean tight against him. “Come inside me, Dean… please… gotta feel you lose control… need your come… please.” Sam whispered, his voice raw from his shouts.

Dean picked up the pace, pounding and slamming his cock into his brother, feeling his legs and arms pulling him, helping him deep inside Sam. Dean tensed as his orgasm neared. And then he was coming and coming, deep inside Sam. “I love you.” Dean whispered over and over as Sam kissed his face, his lips, his neck, biting his skin.

“Love you…” Sam murmured over and over as Dean came down from his climax.

Dean eventually rolled off Sam, bringing him with and holding him close. “Sammy…” Dean whispered, “I fucking missed you so goddamn much… I can’t even tell you…”

Sam kissed Dean’s shoulder. “I’m so happy right now, Dean. So fucking happy… I feel…complete.”

Dean kissed Sam’s temple. “Me, too, Sammy. For the first time in so long, I’m happy.”

Sam and Dean held each other through the night. When they awoke in the morning, it was with a smile and a kiss. And hope.


	16. Unforgiven (Postlude)

Sam lay on the dirty floor of the abandoned house they were occupying, convulsing. Dean kneeled over him, trying to bring Sam out of it. He was terrified that his brother would go into a coma, wake up in a fugue state or worse – die.

Sam gasped and opened his eyes, seeing nothing.

“Sammy… fuck… Sammy… are you ok?” Dean asked, his hands moving frenetically, trying to fix his brother but finding nothing to actually do with them. Finally he laid one hand on Sam’s chest and framed his face with the other. “Sammy… Can you hear me?”

Sam’s eyes slowly moved in Dean’s direction.

“Yeah, Dean.” Sam rasped, confused as to how he got on the floor.

Dean reached down and pulled his brother up, helping him stand. Dean checked him over, his hands traveling Sam’s body, looking for injury. Dean didn’t have to use his eyes. He’d been checking his brother over like this for years. Finding nothing, Dean took Sam’s face in his hands. “Talk to me, Sammy. Please.”

Sam looked down at Dean. “I’m ok. It’s ok Dean. Just a blip on the radar.”

Dean drew his brows together. “Sammy… you gotta tell me if you think your wall is in danger of coming down.”

Sam shook his head. “No… I think it’s fine… just maybe too many memories too quickly. I think it’s fucking with my head… not with the wall… but it’s like having déjà vu… but only seeing half of what happened in fits and starts.”

Sam rolled his head, stretching his neck, testing his balance. He was ok now. “I’m good, Dean.”

Dean pulled Sam against him in a hug so tight it took Sam’s breath away. “God… Sammy… if anything were to happen to you… I don’t know what I’d do.” That was a lie. Dean knew exactly what he’d do. If putting Sam’s soul back in his body killed him now, Dean would follow right behind him. He believed that if Sam died at this point, he’d go to heaven. Dean knew he would go in that direction, and there? They shared their heaven. He wouldn’t stay on earth if Sam weren’t here, too.

Sam held Dean tight. “I’d want you to go on, Dean. You knew there was a risk of this going sideways. If it does, just know that I don’t and won’t blame you. You did the right thing, Dean. You gotta believe that.”

Dean pulled back, wiping the tears from his eyes with his sleeve. “Feel like I’m always crying, Sammy.” Dean said with a rueful laugh.

Sam reached over and gently wiped Dean’s remaining tears away. “Yeah. That reminds me of that one girl who gave us Chuck’s real name… the Supernatural fan who said that real men don’t cry that much. I guess we’re the exception.”

Sam pulled Dean into a kiss. Dean sighed into, letting Sam love his mouth with his lips. When Sam broke the kiss, he whispered, “Every day is a gift, Dean. If something happens… never forget that I’ll always love you. And if things go really wrong… I’ll be waiting for you. Always.”

Sam hoped that nothing would go wrong. But he also knew they were the Winchesters, so he expected that much wouldn’t go right.


	17. Mannequin 3: The Reckoning

Sam and Dean were talking in the yard at Bobby’s.

“For what it’s worth, Dean… I’ve got your back.” Sam looked at Dean intensely, putting emotion behind the statement.

Dean gave Sam a genuine smile, nodding. “Yeah, I know.”

Sam nodded, too. Glad to see that Dean believed him.

Dean closed the gap between them and pulled Sam into his arms. “Do you know how much I love the fact that I can do this?” Dean asked quietly.

Sam smiled into Dean’s neck, planting a soft kiss where his neck met his shoulder. “Do you know how much I love that you do it?” Sam asked in return.

Dean turned a bit an then walked backwards, pulling Sam with him, until he was up against the trunk of the Impala. Dean pulled Sam’s face down and kissed him, softly at first, but then he threaded his fingers through Sam’s hair and pulled Sam closer, deepening the kiss.

Sam wrapped his arms around Dean and pressed himself against his brother. He lined their hips up so that they could feel each other get hard as the passion increased in their kiss. Dean ran his hands down Sam’s back and then moved them down his ass, grabbing his cheeks and pulling his hips closer. They were both hard and panting as Sam slowly ground himself against Dean.

Sam reached down and wrapped his hands around Dean’s thighs, hoisting him up onto the trunk of the Impala. Sam ran his hands up Dean’s thighs and then over his cock, which was rock hard underneath the heavy material of his jeans.

“Fuck, Dean… so hard…” Sam breathed out as he worked at unbuckling Dean’s belt.

Dean let his head fall back as Sam bit the sensitive skin of his neck. When Sam freed Dean’s cock, they both moaned as Sam wrapped his hand around its length. Sam’s thumb swiped over the head, feeling the precome oozing from the tip.

Dean grabbed Sam’s shoulders as he moaned Sam’s name over and over.

“Gonna suck you down, Dean.” Sam whispered. “Wanna feel you come in my mouth.”

Dean’s hips bucked involuntarily at the thought of Sam’s lips wrapping around his cock. Sam gently bit Dean’s lower lip, whispering, “You’re so fucking hot…” before leaning down and circling the head of Dean’s cock with his tongue. Sam moaned as he tasted the saltiness of Dean’s precome. 

Sam shifted position and sucked Dean’s cock down as far as he could, sealing his lips at the base and humming lowly to further drive Dean into a frenzy. And then Sam went at it for real, pumping his head up and down, never losing suction on Dean’s cock. Dean’s hips were bucking, sometimes causing Sam to gag, which only turned Dean on more.

As Dean got close, Sam added a hand to the mix, stroking and sucking, faster and faster until Dean came with a strangled yell of Sam’s name. Sam held Dean’s cock on his tongue, feeling it pulse with every wave of Dean’s orgasm. Sam swallowed down his brother’s come, loving the taste of it and the feel of it on his tongue.

Dean was completely exhausted, lying back on the trunk of the Impala, his eyes closed and his breath finally normalizing. Sam gently kissed Dean’s softening cock. Sam was just about to swipe his tongue across the tip of Dean’s cock one last time to make sure he hadn’t missed even a drop of his come when…

“Aw fuck balls, ya idjits! Goddamn it!” Bobby yelled as he spun around, nearly running away. “Not in the fucking yard! Are you boys out of your goddamned minds?” Bobby shook his head as he quickly walked away. 

If John Winchester knew what those boys got up to on his car… Bobby thought. 

“Balls.” Bobby rubbed his eyes but it didn’t erase the image of Sam… “Oh god…” Bobby didn’t need to know that level of detail. Bobby figured he could go blind tomorrow and never get that image out of his head. He made a beeline for the kitchen once he got to the house. He made no pretense of propriety as he grabbed the Hunter’s Helper and chugged it as though it were milk.

Outside, Sam placed one last kiss on Dean’s soft cock before putting him back together. He was trying so hard not to laugh… but once Dean started laughing, Sam joined him. They both knew they’d just scarred Bobby for life, but they couldn’t stop laughing.

Finally, Dean was able to regain some control. “Um… Sammy? Maybe we should take the next one in doors?” Sam looked at Dean with mirth in his eyes before pointing down at his cock. He was still rock hard. Dean immediately became focused on helping Sam out. His eyes darted around before pulling Sam to the Impala. “Get inside… we’re going down the road a piece.” 

Bobby didn’t have to hear Sam’s roar as he came or see that he’d shot his come all over Dean’s face because that’s where Dean wanted it.

And that’s a good thing.


	18. The French Mistake

Dean and Sam cuddled together in bed. They were back at Bobby’s after a couple of days in a weird universe where no magic and nothing supernatural existed. At first it had seemed potentially like a paradise; no doubt they’d had their fill of the supernatural in their own universe. Ultimately though, they realized that they preferred their own world – where what they did mattered and they were brothers with a shared destiny and a shared heaven.

Dean pressed a kiss to Sam’s temple. “Where do you think Jared and Jensen went while we were in their world?” Dean asked softly. It was something he’d been thinking about since they got back. Sam, too, had been pondering it. He had multiple theories.

“Well,” Sam started, “I originally thought we’d traded places with them, but we didn’t see any evidence that they’d been in the house, which doesn’t mean they weren’t here, but we can’t know for sure. I wish Bobby would have been home – then maybe he’d be able to tell us for certain.”

“Yeah… if he’s still talking to us after the Great Junk Yard Blow Job incident.” Dean joked. The brothers shared a laugh and a kiss at Bobby’s expense.

Dean nodded before getting back to the subject at hand. “That’s what I was thinking, too… that we’d just swapped universes.” Dean barked out a laugh. “Can you imagine their surprise? Breaking through that window and falling onto the hard earth in the rain? No cameras, no cast, no crew… man… that would have been something to see.”

Sam huffed out air in silent laughter. “Yeah… like ‘surprise’! You’ve won nothing and here’s a universe full of shit that can kill you. Good times.” Sam paused. “My other theory… is based on the multiverse concept.”

Dean raised his eyebrow at Sam. “Will you be speaking English any time soon?”

Sam sighed. “Dean… you know I wish you wouldn’t down-play your intelligence. You’re every bit as smart as I am…”

Dean kissed Sam to shut him up. Sam made a little needy noise in response, causing Dean to moan. “Go on, Sammy… tell me about multiverse.”

Sam kissed Dean firmly before continuing. “Yeah… so what if there were hundreds, or even thousands of universes… each one lined up and equidistant from the ones before and after it… like notebook paper but with separation between each sheet…” Sam looked at Dean for understanding.

Dean nodded, “Ok… so what then?” 

Sam cocked his head to the side. “Well… then there would be hundreds or even thousands of versions of us… each world or universe different… maybe we’re brothers or cousins or friends or co-stars or… lovers… and potentially, there could exist a universe in which we don’t know one another at all.”

Dean nodded to indicate he was following Sam’s line of thinking. Sam looked at Dean and asked, “So… what if we all just shifted?”

Dean drew his brows together. “Shifted?”

“Yeah,” Sam continued. “What if it was like we all just took one big step to the right and then we were in the next universe? Meaning that the various versions of us found themselves in a whole new world and then, when we came back to our universe, everyone shifted back.”

Dean nodded his head as he considered Sam’s theories. “You got a lot going on in that head of yours, Sammy.” Dean said with a smile.

Sam chuckled as he kissed Dean’s cheek. “Hey… Jared and Jensen… you think maybe they…”

Dean raised his eyebrows in contemplation. “You mean… maybe they have or had a thing?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah… I mean, apparently they weren’t talking… so maybe they’d had a thing… and then broke up?”

Dean snorted. “What… and then fake you married a female guest star?” Dean scoffed. “That seems risky. And callous… I mean, if they have to work together every day… that’d be rough on Jensen.”

Sam sighed. “Yeah.” Sam had another thought. “There’s another possibility.”

Dean traced Sam’s cheek with his finger. “Yeah? What’s that?”

Sam smiled and kissed the tip of Dean’s finger. “Maybe they still have a thing… maybe they’ve always had a thing… but they’re just hiding it, like we do.”

Dean looked at Sam quizzically. “What do you mean?”

Sam pulled Dean a little closer and continued with the hypothetical. “Well… what if they’re both secretly gay and together… and they both married actresses to hide the fact that they’re really together? We looked Jensen up – he’s married, too, but she didn’t seem to be looking for him. So… maybe there’s a contract… Like a business arrangement.”

Sam was pleased with his hypothetical, no matter how far-fetched it seemed. He figured that, no matter the universe, he and Dean belonged together.

Dean kissed the corner of Sam’s mouth. “Conspiracy theorist… I didn’t figure you for one, Sammy. I think you just don’t want to imagine a universe in which the versions of you and me aren’t together.”

Sam looked deep into Dean’s eyes. “It scares me sometimes that you know me so well, Dean.”

Dean smiled as he drew close for another kiss. “It’s not just that, Sammy… I don’t want to contemplate a universe in which we’re not together, either.”

The brothers slowly kissed until exhaustion overtook them and they slid into sleep, as safe as they could be in their own universe.


	19. The French Mistake (J2 AU)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meanwhile, Jared and Jensen...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Jared and Jensen in this story are not meant to be the Jared and Jensen of our universe, but rather the Jared and Jensen depicted on the show in their universe.

When Jensen hit the ground, it was with a grunt and a burst of pain in his shoulder that made him see stars. He lay on the ground, wondering why the hell it was raining in the studio as Jared swore like a sailor beside him.

“Fuck!” Jared yelled to no one in particular as he pulled a piece of glass out of his hand. “Fuck!” he yelled again as blood began pooling in his palm. Jared watched in a stunned silence as rain drops fell into the cut, diluting the blood. Jared continued to watch in fascination as rivulets of pink water spread across his hand and began dripping onto the hard ground beneath him. 

“What the fuck?” Jared asked, targeting no one specific with his ire.

Jensen sat up and looked around, basically ignoring whatever was happening with Jared in favor of trying to figure out what had just happened to them. There was supposed to be a mat below the window. They were supposed to be in a studio. They were supposed to be shooting the last scene of the day. Certainly it wasn’t supposed to be raining.

Rain doesn’t happen inside a building, and as Jensen looked around, his brain finally caught up with the notion that something was very, very wrong. 

Jared continued to spew expletives as Jensen rose to his feet, squinting his eyes against the rain, trying in vain to get his bearings.

“What the actual fuck?” Jared said, still looking at his hand.

Jensen turned his attention to his co-star. “Would you shut the hell up and take a look around, Padalecki? Where the fuck are we?”

Jared looked up at Jensen and gave him his Sam puppy dog eyes. “I don’t know where we are. And I’m hurt, Jensen.”

Jensen rolled his eyes and sighed as he looked down at his former lover. He never could stand to see Jared in pain, and now wasn’t any different, so Jensen kneeled down next to Jared and took his hand in his own, looking it over.

The cut was deep and the bleeding wasn’t stopping and Jensen figured it wouldn’t as long as they were still in the god damned rain. Jensen reached into his pocket and pulled out a bandana that he kept there when he was playing Dean. Carefully, he wrapped Jared’s hand up in it. 

“You’ll be ok, Jare.” Jensen sighed. “Let’s get you out of the rain so I can take a better look, ok?”

Jensen stood and reached down for Jared’s uninjured hand, helping to his feet. 

“Fuck!” Jensen yelped when the extra weight wrenched his injured shoulder.

Jared grabbed Jensen with his uninjured hand. “Are you ok? Did I hurt you?”

Jensen shrugged off Jared’s hand. In all honesty, he couldn’t stand to have Jared touch him.

Not anymore. 

Not since Jared let the executives at the show determine how they lived their lives – and with whom. Jared had fallen into line like a good little soldier and Jensen had followed along behind him. Because they’d always done things together.

They weren’t supposed to break up over it. But Jared had wanted to follow the PR team’s orders and so as they’d spent less and less time together because that’s what the executives wanted, the stress of it all became too much and Jared had ended things. 

Briefly, Jensen wondered if Jared and Gen… nah.

Jensen knew that wasn’t real.

Jensen turned and walked toward the door of the house in front of them. Jared, hurt by Jensen’s coldness to him, followed along behind, missing the days when things had been so easy between them. Back when they’d needed each other more than they’d needed air.

Jensen jiggled the door handle and the door popped open. He stepped inside and flared his nostrils in disgust.

“This place is a dump.” Jensen said dismissively.

Jared peered over Jensen’s shoulder, taking in the murkiness around them; the dingy curtains, the stained and chipped countertop in the kitchen… the general disarray. 

And books. They were everywhere. Every wall had some kind of a book case and even more books were stacked on every available flat surface.

“Yeah…” Jared couldn’t disagree with Jensen’s assessment.

Jensen walked through the lower level with Jared in his wake. When he found a bathroom, he flipped the light on and prepared himself for all manner of disgusting sights. The bathroom, however, was clean.

“Huh.” Jensen said as he walked in and began searching for a first aid kit of some kind. “Sit on the toilet and let me look at your hand, Jared.”

Jared slid along the wall, avoiding any unnecessary contact with Jensen as he did what he was told. Once seated, Jared waited. Moments later, Jensen rose from the floor, where he’d been kneeling to rummage around in the under-sink cabinet.

“Good.” Jensen said as he placed the first aid kit on the counter and opened it. Jensen had never dressed a real wound before but he needed to stop Jared’s wound from bleeding. 

Jensen turned and looked down at Jared. Jared had been watching him, saying nothing, but his expression was one of longing… and pain.

“Give me your hand, Jared.” Jensen said brusquely. He couldn’t let Jared’s mental state throw him off his game. He couldn’t dwell on that look of longing without having his heart broken all over again.

Jared raised his injured hand and looked up at Jensen. Jensen took Jared’s hand and carefully unwrapped the bandana. The wound was still bleeding, but didn’t look as bad as Jensen had feared it would.

Jensen began by disinfecting the wound. 

Jared hissed when the hydrogen peroxide began bubbling. Jensen rubbed his thumb soothingly over Jared’s inner wrist. 

“I know that burns, but we need to let it do its job.” Jensen kept his tone matter-of-fact, even though being this close to Jared outside the studio for the first time in almost ten months was killing him. Jensen reached for a cloth and carefully blotted the wound.

Jensen evaluated the cut. He didn’t really know what he was doing, but it looked pretty deep, and it was long, so Jared probably needed stitches. Dean may be able to stitch up Sam, but Jensen had no real medical skills, no matter how many times as Dean he’d patched up Sam.

Jensen dug around in the first aid kit. He found some butterfly bandages and some super glue. He thought he remembered that super glue could be used for field dressings. It wasn’t perfect, but he didn’t know when they’d be able to find a doctor, so he confidently took the glue in his hand and removed the cap.

“Not sure if this will burn, but we need to close this up. Get ready…” Jensen quickly slid the tip of the glue tube across Jared’s cut. When it looked like it was going to hold, Jensen grabbed the butterfly bandages and used them to better seal the cut.

“There.” Jensen said emphatically as he stood. “That’s the best I can do.”

Jared looked up at Jensen, his eyes held a sadness that Jensen had glimpsed many times in recent months. Then Jared smiled, but it never quite reached his eyes. “Thanks, Jen…sen.” 

Jared had almost used his pet name for Jensen. He never called him that anymore. Not since they’d broken up and had been trying to continue on with the show together by gritting their teeth through one episode at a time.

Jensen nodded curtly. “Let’s figure out where we are now.” Jensen didn’t wait for a response as he turned on his heel and walked back toward the main part of the house. Jared stood and followed him because he didn’t want to stray too far, in case something weird happened again.

In the library, Jensen went from bookshelf to bookshelf, trying to find something that would tell him what was happening to them. Jared followed along behind, unwilling to let too much space grow between them since they’d been close together when the weirdness first happened. Jared wanted to be close in case the weirdness somehow reversed itself.

Jensen stopped in front of a photo on the shelf.

“What the hell?” He breathed out as he picked up the frame. He blinked several times, trying to process what he was seeing.

“Hey, Jay… check this out.” Jared looked at Jensen in surprise. He hadn’t heard Jensen call him Jay since… he’d made a really bad decision ten months previously. Jared drew close to Jensen and got butterflies as Jensen’s familiar scent surrounded him. He closed his eyes briefly, remembering. 

Everything.

When he opened his eyes he looked at the photo in shock. It was a picture of him, when he was about 10 with a Jensen who was about 14… with Jim Beaver of all people. None of them had known each other at those times in their lives.

“Jen… what the hell?”

Jensen shook his head as he turned the frame over and worked to get the photo out of the frame, looking for a date. On the back in chicken scratch was the note: “Sam & Dean, 1992”.

“Sam and Dean?” Jensen breathed out. He wondered what in the world was going on. This wasn’t possible.

With his uninjured hand, Jared reached out and took the photo from Jensen, flipping it over and looking at… Sam, Dean and Bobby? Circa 1992? Jared shook his head in denial. This couldn’t be happening.

“I don’t… I don’t understand this, Jen…” Jared whispered. “What is happening?”

Jensen took the picture from Jared and put it back in its frame and then carefully put it directly back in its previous position. Jensen didn’t want to leave any signs that they’d been here, in case they ever got back to where they were supposed to be.

Jensen turned and looked at Jared. Jared continued to look confused and disturbed. He was having a much harder time dealing with their current reality than Jensen was. Jensen reached over and took Jared’s hand in his. It wasn’t about being close to him; or so Jensen told himself. 

It was in case something happened and they were transported somewhere else.

Jared finally looked at Jensen. “I don’t get it.”

“We’re at Bobby’s, Jared.” Jensen said patiently. “So… on set, Sam and Dean share a room here. Let’s go find it and see if there’s anything there that can help us out.”

Jensen didn’t wait for a response; he just led Jared out of Bobby’s office and straight up the stairs. Jensen kept a hold of Jared’s hand as they ascended. Unerringly, Jensen led them right to the room Sam and Dean shared. Tentatively, Jensen opened the door and looked in.

It was small, with two single beds and a table between them. Jensen flipped on the light and saw the broken drawers in the dresser and the duffels in the corner. He tugged on Jared’s hand and brought them into the room.

“Sam and Dean’s duffels are there.” Jensen said, nodding to the corner. “Do you think we should… look?”

Jared squeezed Jensen’s hand and let go. “Yeah… I’ll take Sam’s, you look in Dean’s.” 

With his good hand, Jared grabbed what he assumed was Sam’s duffel, because it looked just like the one he had on set for when he played Sam. He lifted it onto the bed he was sure belonged to Sam, furthest from the door, because in their scripts, Dean always took the bed closest to the door.

Jensen grabbed the other duffel with his uninjured arm and brought it to the other bed.

“Here goes nothin’…” Jared said softly as he unzipped the duffel in front of him. Tentatively, he began exploring the contents as Jensen unzipped the duffel he’d chosen. For him, this felt like an invasion of privacy. He wouldn’t want anyone going through his stuff, but he figured they had to if they were going to understand what had happened to them.

“Shit…” Jared swore softly as he pulled the amulet out of Sam’s duffel. “He still has it, Jen. He snagged it out of the trash and kept it.”

Jared blinked back tears as he looked over at Jensen. “Do you think they’ll… bring this back? On the show? I always hated that they had Dean throw it away. It pissed me off… and just look at this… Sam still has it. Because it _meant_ something. To them.”

Jensen stared down at the photo in his hand. “Um… Jared?” Jensen looked over at Jared with a shocked look on his face. “You better look at this… because that amulet… probably means more than either of us realized.”

Jared carefully returned the amulet to its hiding spot and went to Jensen. He looked down at the photo strip he held in his hand. Jared’s eyes scanned the photo from top to bottom. When he got to the last photo, his mouth dropped open in surprise.

“Jesus… they’re… they’re…” Jared let his sentence trail off.

“Taking brotherhood to a whole new level.” Jensen stated incredulously. “With tongue.” He added, feeling a bit queasy. And maybe a bit jealous. As far as he could tell, Sam and Dean were still together, which was more than he could say about him and Jared.

Jared turned and went to sit on Sam’s bed. 

“They’re together.” Jared nodded to himself. It all made sense now – the scripts, the sexual tension the directors and the writers had wanted between the brothers… amped up because of the nature of Jared and Jensen’s previous relationship.

The scenes from the cutting room floor…

Jared reached over and grabbed something out of Sam’s duffel. 

“I guess that explains this.” Jared stated flatly as he held up a bottle of lube for Jensen’s inspection.

Jensen stared at the lube, remembering all of the times he and Jared had handed a bottle just like that to one another, depending upon who was penetrating whom. Jensen closed his eyes briefly against the pain that rolled through him as he thought about how much he’d lost the day Jared told him they were done.

Jared stood and grabbed the duffel, placing it on the floor on the far side of the bed. He then, very purposefully while Jensen was turned away from him, put the bottle of lube next to the duffel on the floor. 

Ten months ago he’d been an idiot. If Sam and Dean could be courageous enough to be together without caring what anyone thought, then so could he.

He wasn’t certain that he could win Jensen back; but he was going to try.

Jared turned and looked at Jensen. He was zipping up Dean’s duffel and was returning it to the corner. Jared quickly stripped down to his t-shirt and boxers. He could feel Jensen’s eyes on him as he slid under the covers.

“Jen…” Jared said softly. “I think you should join me here. You know… in case we’re suddenly transported elsewhere. We were within inches of each other when this happened, so…”

Jensen looked down at Jared. He was still the most beautiful man he’d ever seen and the thought of being in such a small bed with him filled him with both fear and desire, all at once. Jensen knew that if he got into bed with Jared, he would have to fight the urge to take things back to where they used to be between them.

Jared had stated over and over he didn’t want that. Didn’t want him – not anymore. 

Jensen sighed as he reached his decision. He walked over and turned off the overhead light and then returned to where Jared was. With shaking hands, he took off everything except his t-shirt and boxers, and then slid into bed next to Jared, because he was right, they shouldn’t be far from one another in case they somehow got flipped back to the right universe.

Jared rolled onto his side and looked at Jensen. He was so gorgeous. Jared had always loved looking at Jensen… everything about him was magnificent, from his head down to his feet. Jared had been in love with him for so long and the last ten months had been nearly impossible; working together had been torturous, every day seeing Jensen, being reminded about what he’d so stupidly given up to satisfy the studio executives.

“Jen…” Jared said quietly.

Jensen turned and looked at the love of his life. Jared had been the one person who immediately broke through Jensen’s walls and earned a trusted place in his heart without the typical years of assessment and evaluation others had had to endure. 

Being this close to Jared but being unable to touch him was hell.

“Yeah?” Jensen didn’t trust himself to say more than that. 

Jared tentatively reached out and cupped Jensen’s face with his hand. He used his thumb to slowly stroke over Jensen’s cheek. Jensen closed his eyes in order to hide the tears that threatened to come unbidden. He hadn’t felt Jared’s gentle touch for so long, it was overwhelming.

“I was so stupid, Jen…” Jared breathed out. “So fucking dumb… I look at you every day and ache for you. I go home and do nothing but remember us and everything we had together. I don’t want to be apart from you anymore.”

Jensen opened his eyes and looked at the man he loved. He was saying the very things Jensen had dreamed of him saying for so long, but they were here – in this world – and scared, so Jensen didn’t want to trust what Jared was saying.

“I get you don’t want to be apart from me here, Jared.” Jensen said softly. “But what about if – when – we get back to our world? What then?”

Jared moved closer to Jensen as he continued to caress his face with gentle fingers. 

“I don’t care what world we’re in, Jen. Since the first day we met, you’ve always been it for me. We used to be so happy… and I stupidly bowed to the pressure and threw it away. You gotta know that I’ve regretted that decision every day since I made it and I just never knew how to tell you. Every day we’re apart, I feel more and more alone… like I’m breaking apart and no one will ever be able to put the pieces back together.”

Jensen wanted to believe Jared. He really did, but Jared’s decision ten months earlier had gutted him. There had been times Jensen thought he wouldn’t survive the sheer heartbreak of it all.

Jared could see the trepidation in Jensen’s eyes and it saddened him. He’d hurt the one person he loved more than anything in the world. And now, maybe they could never go back to what they’d been; but Jared wasn’t going to give up. Not when he had Jensen this close.

Jared moved toward Jensen slowly, giving him time to push him away. Jared paused when his lips were nearly brushing Jensen’s.

“I love you, Jen…” Jared breathed out. “And I’m going to kiss you… unless you tell me you don’t want me to…”

Jensen said nothing. His stomach was in a knot and all he wanted to do was haul Jared against him and feel the power of his love again. He was scared, too. If he let Jared in, there would be no turning back; Jensen couldn’t stand another separation.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish, Jared.” Jensen finally whispered. “Because losing you again would kill me. And I’m not being melodramatic about that.”

Jared rested his forehead against Jensen’s. His eyes were closed against the tears that threatened to fall. 

“Being apart kills me, too, Jen.” Jared said quietly. “I can’t undo what I did… but I can beg your forgiveness and hope that you’ll give me one more chance, Jen… please…”

“Please don’t hurt me, Jay…” Jensen whispered into the darkness of the room.

“I promise,” Jared said with conviction. After a beat, he whispered, “I’m going to kiss you, Jen, and we’re going to figure everything out… the way we used to, when it was just us.”

“Ok.” Jensen said softly.

Jared changed the angle of his head and captured Jensen’s lips in a slow, deep kiss. He took his time, savoring the moment when he felt whole again. As Jared dragged his tongue across Jensen’s lower lip, a needy whimper escaped Jensen, causing Jared to gather him close and deepen the kiss. The suppressed passion of the last ten months surfaced as the devoured one another’s mouths. 

They gasped and moaned as their souls reconnected. When Jensen worked his hand into Jared’s boxers, grabbing his ass to pull their hips together, Jared threw back his head and moaned as their hard cocks met through the thin material of their boxers.

“Jesus, Jen… I’ve missed this… you, so fucking much.” Jared moaned as Jensen kissed and sucked at his neck. “No one has ever made me feel the things you do…”

Jensen bit down on the chord along the side of Jared’s neck. “Have you been with anyone since last time we were together…?” Jensen growled as he asked, both terrified and hopeful as he waited for Jared’s response.

Jared reached up and grabbed Jensen’s face with this hands. “God, no… Jen… there’s been no one but you. From the moment I first saw you in person at our audition… you were all I ever wanted.” Jared kissed Jensen softly. “I promise, Jen… there’s no one for me but you.”

Jensen rolled on top of Jared. He ground himself against Jared, letting Jared feel how hard he was. Jensen began kissing Jared with abandon. Now that he knew there had been no one else, he began opening his heart to the man he loved. Jensen was scared… but, if Sam and Dean were brave enough to love one another then he had to give him and Jared another chance.

Jared wrapped his legs around Jensen as he used his hands to pull their bodies closer together. He couldn’t believe Jensen was finally in his arms again. He had been terrified that they’d never be together this way again. Jared thrust his hips up to meet Jensen’s grinding motions. Their cocks were so hard and Jared could feel himself leaking from need.

“Jen…” Jared gasped as he kissed Jensen’s neck. “Want you inside me, babe… gotta have you inside me… please.”

Jensen slowed his grinding and looked down at Jared. “You want me inside you?”

Jared’s eyes were wide and full of want. “Yeah… please, Jen… last time we were together, I was inside you… this time, I need you inside me… gotta have you inside me, Jen… Wanna give you everything…” 

Jared blinked furiously to hold back his tears as Jensen kissed his softly, loving his lips with his own, touching Jared like only Jensen could.

Jared cast his arm about and found what he was looking for. He wrapped his fingers around Sam and Dean’s bottle of lube and pressed it against Jensen’s arm.

Jensen broke their kiss and looked down at Jared’s hand. “Is that…?”

Jared nodded. “Yeah… I don’t think they’d mind…”

Jensen took the bottle from Jared’s hand and pushed himself back onto his heels. He looked down at Jared as he flicked open the bottle. Jared stared up at Jensen and watched breathlessly as Jensen slowly lubed up his fingers.

Jensen closed the bottle and set it on the side table, in case they needed more. He leaned forward to kiss Jared, teasing him with his tongue as he wrapped his lubed fingers around Jared’s cock. Jared moaned as Jensen began stroking him, firm pressure, long strokes with his thumb sliding across Jared’s slit.

Jared threw his head back and moaned. “Oh god, Jen… I’ve missed your touch so fucking much…”

Jensen let go of Jared’s cock and slid his own cock against Jared’s. He began slowly thrusting, rubbing their straining erections together as he kissed Jared frantically. When he was ready, he straddled Jared and reached behind him to grab a hold of his cock.

Jared looked up at Jensen with shock as Jensen worked Jared’s cock into the tight, wet heat of his ass.

“Jen…” Jared groaned as Jensen lowered himself until there was nothing left for him to take inside himself. “I wanted…”

Jensen captured Jared’s lips in a heated kiss as he began to rock his hips. “I know what you wanted, Jay…” Jensen gasped as Jared’s cock dragged across his prostate. “But it’s not what I needed.” 

Jensen sat up and rolled his hips, working Jared’s cock into him as deep as it would go. “It’s been ten months, Jay… ten months since I belonged to you.” Jensen gasped as Jared grabbed his hips and began fucking up into him. “Ten months since you let me love you.”

Jared moaned, partly from pleasure, partly from pain. “Jen… I’m so fucking sorry…”

Jensen looked down at Jared, his eyes awash in unshed tears. “Never again, Jay… I can’t… I can’t be apart from you like that again.”

Jared reached up and grabbed Jensen’s shoulders, quickly rolling him to the side and then onto his back. Jared kissed Jensen passionately as he grabbed his legs and raised them up to his shoulders. Jared broke the kiss and began pounding his cock into Jensen, grunting with every thrust as his tears splashed down onto Jensen’s chest.

“Never, Jen… I promise…” Jared’s voice was raw with emotion as he looked down into his lover’s eyes. “I love you, Jen…”

Jensen reached up and pulled Jared’s face to his, kissing him frantically. Jared reached between them and began stroking Jensen’s cock in time with his thrusts. It wasn’t long before Jensen was writhing beneath him as his orgasm ripped through him.

“Fuck, Jay…” Jensen moaned, “Fuck…”

Jared captured Jensen’s lips and kissed him as his body shook, his cock pulsing deep inside the only love he’d ever known. Jared slowed the kiss and then softly planted kisses across Jensen’s freckles and down his neck as they came down together from their orgasms.

Jared finally slipped himself out of Jensen and rolled onto his back, pulling Jensen into his arms. He held Jensen close and cherished the feeling of having him back in his arms. 

A while later, Jensen softly kissed Jared’s shoulder as he whispered, “I love you, Jay.”

Jared hugged Jensen close. “I know, Jen… I don’t know why you do after all I put you through, but I’m so fucking glad to have you back where you belong. I love you so much…”

Jared and Jensen kissed languidly as exhaustion overtook them.

When sunlight filtered through the tattered curtains in Sam and Dean’s room in the early hours of the morning, the soft rays played across Jensen’s back as he slowly drove his cock deep into Jared. Over and over Jensen savored the feeling of Jared’s soft, wet heat enveloping him as he loved Jared with his body and soul.

Later, Jensen and Jared held hands as they explored Bobby’s library. The found more pictures of Sam and Dean through the years. As they grew, it was clear their relationship became closer and closer. In more recent photos, the depth of love they had for one another was readily apparent in every shot.

“They’re so in love, Jen…” Jared whispered as the gazed at a candid picture Bobby must have taken when they weren’t looking.

Jensen tightened his grip on Jared’s hand. “Dean looks at Sam the same way I look at you, Jay.” Jared’s eyes focused on Dean’s expression and he sucked in a breath when he recognized the truth of Jensen’s statement.

“I hope they’re happy, Jen…” Jared said softly. “I hope they haven’t had to truly endure what we’ve portrayed on our show… can you imagine how unbearable that would be?”

Jensen sighed and pulled Jared into a tight hug, thinking about the amulet Sam had secreted away in his duffel upstairs. “I’m afraid they’ve had to, Jay. And no, I can’t imagine having all the stuff that’s happened to Sam happening to you. It would break me.”

Jared pulled away and grabbed Jensen’s hand, pulling him toward the couch. He sat and pulled Jensen into his lap. Jensen softly stroked Jared’s cheek with the backs of his fingers. “Jay… whether we get back home or not, as long as I have you… like this… I’ll be ok.”

“We’ll be ok.” Jared said quietly as he pulled Jensen close and kissed him deeply.

Suddenly, Jared and Jensen found themselves in the library of Jared’s house. One minute they’d been making out on the couch in Bobby Singer’s office, and the next minute they’d been dumped in a heap on Jared’s black leather sofa in his home office.

“Fuck…” Jensen moaned as Jared squashed his injured shoulder.

“Shit…” Jared cried out as he grabbed Jensen with his injured hand. 

Jensen rolled around until he could separate himself from Jared. He stood and helped Jared to his feet. 

“Holy shit! We’re back, Jay!” Jensen crowed with delight. 

“Fuck yes! Home!” Jensen pulled Jared into a hug and kissed his neck. “I’ve never been so happy to be in Canada in my life, Jay!”

Jared laughed as he captured Jensen’s lips in a heated kiss. “God, I love you…” Jared breathed into Jensen’s mouth as he sealed their lips together in a deeper kiss.

When they finally broke apart, something on Jared’s desk caught his eye. He walked over to his desk and picked up a folded piece of paper on which his name had been written in precise block letters. When he opened it, a photo strip he and Jensen had done a couple of years earlier slid out and fell upright onto the desk. Jared looked down at the photos: one of him and Jensen laughing, in the next he and Jensen were looking at each other with eyes full of love… and in the last, they were kissing. Jared smiled softly at the memory. 

He’d hidden the photo strip in his desk months earlier when he could no longer bear the pain of looking at pictures of him and Jensen in happier times.

“Hey, Jen… look at this.” Jared said in awe.

Jensen tore his eyes from the photo strip, which bore a striking resemblance to the one he had found of Sam and Dean. He looked down at the paper Jared held in his hand.

_Dear Jared,_

_My name is Sam Winchester and I believe you play me on a show here in this universe. I’m leaving this note to tell you that everything you’ve been through as Sam (and everything Jensen’s been through as Dean) has actually happened to me and my brother, Dean Winchester._

_And yes, I mean everything… including all those scenes that never saw the light of day because your show isn’t on cable… Never, that is, until Dean and I found the room where we could watch the dailies._

_I’ll wait while you digest that. Sorry if I’m oversharing._

_Moving on… I just want you to know that Dean and I know that as long as we’re together, we can make it through anything. We realized that a long time ago, but sometimes we still forget… and then we hurt each other over and over until we can figure it out all over again._

_I don’t want to overstep my bounds here, but I get the sense that you and Jensen once had something special together. If I’m wrong, please forgive me. But, if I’m right… please hear what I’m about to say to you._

_Fight._

_Fight for what you had. Fight for Jensen. Don’t ever let go of him because he’s meant for you. No matter the universe, you and he are meant to be together. Whether it’s as Jared and Jensen or Sam and Dean or any other combination in any other time or place._

_You are soulmates. Don’t throw that away._

_I know you don’t know me, but you play me on TV, so I think you know by now that I know what I’m talking about._

_Fight for him. Always._

_And once you have him back? Don’t ever let him go._

_~ Sam Winchester_

On the bottom of the note, in a messier script, it said:

_I agree with Sammy on this, Jared. And Jensen? If you’re reading this... you hang on tight to the love of your life. No matter what._

_~ Dean_

Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared from behind, holding him close.

“So…” Jensen whispered next to Jared’s ear, “Looks like the real Sam Winchester is as smart as the one you play on our show.”

Jared turned around in Jensen’s arms and held him tight. “He is and he’s right, Jen. I’m never letting you go again.”

Jensen pulled back and captured Jared’s lips in a passionate kiss. “Never gonna let you, Jay…” Jensen moaned into Jared’s mouth as their passion mounted.

Genevieve Padalecki chose that moment to walk into the office. Seeing Jared and Jensen in a torrid embrace brought a look of disgust to her face. But moments later, she broke out into a brilliant smile.

“Oh thank god!” Gen squealed, thinking about living her own life away from Canada and the two men who controlled her every move. “Does this mean I can get out of my contract early?”


	20. ...And Then There Were None

Sam and Dean left Bobby in the salvage yard, still grieving Rufus, as Dean guided the Impala away from their de facto home and out onto the highway. They had yet another hunt to pursue. The monsters were really getting out of control.

They were a few miles down the road before Sam slid across the seat and took Dean’s hand in his. “Hi.” Sam said softly, looking at Dean, his eyes full of love.

Dean smiled a smile he only ever gave to Sam. “Heya Sammy.”

Sam brought Dean’s hand up to his lips, placing a gentle kiss on the back of Dean’s hand. “I missed you sitting all the way over there.” Sam said with a shy smile on his face.

Dean leaned over and kissed Sam quickly before turning his eyes back to the road. “I always miss you when you’re not right next to me.”

Sam leaned his head on Dean’s shoulder, enjoying the physical closeness with his brother. After a while Sam sighed.

“What’s wrong, Sammy?” Dean asked, keeping his eyes on the road. Traffic around Des Moines could get crazy sometimes and Dean wanted to be vigilant.

“I shot our grandfather.” Sam said, his voice filled with regret. “And he wasn’t a monster when I did it. I don’t know how to feel about that.”

Dean squeezed Sam’s hand. “Well, think of it this way. He’d been a monster, he threw us to the ghouls, he’s been working for the King of Hell… and did I mention he threw us to the ghouls?” Dean kissed Sam’s temple without taking his eyes off the road. _Fricken mini-vans…_ Dean thought to himself. _Total magnets for the dumbest drivers on the road._

Sam sighed again. He wanted to rationalize it all… but he still felt badly about it. “I know, Dean. I’ll eventually let it go.”

Dean opened his mouth with a plan of talking about the natural order and how Samuel being brought back to life had been against it… but as soon as Dean realized that would take him down a slippery slope, he settled on saying something else entirely. “I love you, Sammy. You did the right thing.”

Sam turned his head and kissed Dean’s neck, letting his lips linger on the soft skin, breathing in his brother’s scent. “Love you, Dean.”

Both men were silent for a while, content with their own thoughts without voicing them. Until Dean blurted out. “God, Sammy… I’m so fucking happy right now. I keep thinking it’s a dream.”

Sam sat up and looked at Dean. “What do you keep thinking is a dream?”

Dean looked at Sam, letting his eyes caress Sam’s face, making him blush a little under his brother’s intense gaze. “That you’re really here by my side… and that I can touch you or kiss you or hold you… anything I want. I’d lost all hope… but here you are.”

Sam blinked back the tears that sprang to his eyes. “I’m so happy, too, Dean. I really am.”

Sam and Dean shared a smile before Sam settled back in next to Dean, holding his hand tight as Dean drove on into the night.


	21. My Heart Will Go On

Sam watched Dean cover Bobby with a blanket. He loved the way Dean took care of people. He knew he was lucky to have a brother – and a lover – like Dean. When Dean stood upright after turning out the light, he found Sam right behind him, waiting with open arms.

Sam pulled Dean into a gently hug. “I love you, Dean.” Sam whispered as he kissed Dean’s neck.

Dean smiled and hugged Sam back. “What’s that for?” Dean asked, wondering why Sam was suddenly in his space at a random moment.

Sam squeezed Dean tighter. “Just love you… wanted you to know… I’m just so lucky to have you.”

Dean kissed Sam’s neck in return. “And I’m lucky to have you, Sammy.”

Sam broke away and smiled at Dean, taking his hand and leading him toward the stairs. After taking the first step, Sam turned and looked down at Dean. “What do you think about a lengthy make out session, Dean?” 

Dean looked up at Sam. He loved their make out sessions. They’d just lay there, touching and kissing and whispering words of love to one another for hours. No sex, no coming… just love. Dean smiled at Sam and responded, “Yeah, Sammy… I’m totally on board with that.”

Sam smiled all the way up the stairs. Dean’s expression was far lustier. Then again, he was watching Sam’s ass the whole way up to the second floor. He loved the way the muscles of Sam’s ass undulated beneath his jeans. Dean thought it was absolutely delicious.

When they closed the door behind them, Sam pulled Dean to his bed, throwing back the covers and sliding over enough to make room for Dean. Dean slipped in and molded himself against Sam, loving the warmth coming from his brother’s body.

Dean was getting ready to get the make out session going when Sam suddenly decided to speak. “Do you think we did the right thing, Dean?” 

Sam’s question was direct and to the point. He didn’t have to say anything else to get Dean to understand what he meant.

Dean sighed and considered his answer. “As hard as it was, Sammy… yeah… I think we did the right thing.” Dean paused. “Don’t get me wrong… I wish Ellen and Jo were still alive. And, while I’d never considered Ellen and Bobby together… I gotta admit that made a certain kind of sense.”

Sam nodded as he took Dean’s hand in his. “Yeah… couldn’t have pictured it until I saw it… and then I thought… why didn’t they ever get together? They would have made a great couple.”

Dean thought for a moment before responding. “Too much guilt on Bobby’s end, Sammy. About killing his wife. Gettin’ with Ellen would have been risky because she was a hunter’s wife with hunting tendencies, leaving room for more tragedy.” Dean paused before continuing, “And I think Bobby can’t let himself be happy, Sammy. Feels he doesn’t deserve it after what happened to his wife.”

Sam wiped a tear from his eye. “Makes me sad, Dean… I just wish… well, I wish things were different for Bobby.”

Dean kissed another of Sam’s tears away. “Me, too, Sammy.”

Dean let his lips linger at the corner of Sam’s eye before slowly kissing his way to his brother’s mouth. “Wanna make out with you, Sammy.” Dean whispered before capturing his brother’s lips in slow, sensuous kiss. Sam moaned into Dean’s mouth and willingly surrendered to him.

It was one of their best make out sessions yet.


	22. Frontierland

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: This chapter includes extremely graphic descriptions of sexual acts, including: rimming, come play, come sharing, anal play and discussion of anal fisting. Also, one of the boys has a Western fetish. If any of that bothers you, please skip ahead; otherwise, read at your own risk!

Sam and Dean left Cas and Bobby downstairs as they went upstairs to change. 

Dean reached up to take off his hat but Sam’s hand stopped him. 

“Leave it on.” Sam whispered as he came up behind Dean, wrapping his arms around his brother. “So fucking hot, Dean… you standing off against that phoenix… my heart was in my throat and you were so steady… god…” 

Sam nibbled at Dean’s neck, licking and sucking lightly, causing Dean to moan. Dean threaded his fingers through Sam’s and leaned back into his embrace. “Sammy…” he sighed, letting his brother’s name waft through the quiet of the room.

Sam pressed his hips forward, letting Dean feel the hardness of his cock against his ass. Both men moaned as Sam shifted his hips, slowly grinding against his brother. 

“Want you to take me, Dean… dressed as you are… just spin me around and pound your cock into me. I need it.” Sam finished his sentence in a desperate moan.

Dean spun around, grabbing Sam and walking him backwards toward the wall. Dean pressed up against Sam, capturing his lips in a deep and passionate kiss. Sam grabbed at Dean, frantically seeking more contact as little needy noises escaped from deep in his throat. 

Sam was moaning and grinding against Dean, wantonly begging for more. Dean gasped as he cherished Sam’s response to him. He’d never seen Sam so desperate for him. 

Downstairs, Cas reached over and touched Bobby’s forehead, porting them to downtown Sioux Falls, right in front of McNally’s Irish Pub. 

Bobby shook his head, disoriented. “What?”

Cas fixed him with a stare. “Things were about to get… very loud… in your house. I thought we could wait it out here.” 

Bobby nodded in understanding, thankful for the lift and land away from the… activities.

Dean peeled off Sam’s coat and shirt. Sam was breathing heavily, watching Dean’s every move with undisguised desire. Dean unbuckled Sam’s belt and then made quick work of stripping off his pants. Sam’s cock was rock hard and oozing precome. Dean looked at it. It was beautiful and he wanted it so much. 

Dean dropped to his knees and looked up at Sam. Sam’s eyes were wide with lust, he was panting and waiting for Dean to do something. 

Anything.

Dean wrapped his hand around Sam’s cock and brought it to his lips. He looked into Sam’s eyes as he gently rubbed the head of his cock against his lower lip. Sam rapidly blinked his eyes as he gasped.

“Want your cock, Sammy.” Dean whispered as he let Sam watch him swirl his tongue through the precome gathered at the tip. Sam moaned, his hips bucking… he ached with need. Dean took Sam’s cock deep inside his mouth, sucking and licking as Sam ran his fingers through Dean’s hair. Sam wanted to grab Dean’s head and fuck his mouth, but he didn’t want to hurt Dean; he preferred to let Dean do whatever he was feeling in the moment. 

Sam watched Dean suck his cock, biting his lip to try to maintain some semblance of control. Dean would tease the tip, running his tongue lightly over the head. He’d let Sam watch his cock slide past his lips and into his mouth. 

Sam was desperate for release, Dean could see it in his eyes so he went to work, using all the tricks that always worked on Sam until Sam’s orgasm tore through him, spilling his seed on Dean’s tongue.

Dean didn’t swallow. Instead, he stood and captured Sam’s lips in a passionate kiss, using his tongue to push Sam’s come into his mouth. They moaned as Sam’s come filled both of their mouths with its salty taste. 

“Fuck…” Sam moaned. They were so dirty together sometimes and he fucking loved it.

Sam pushed Dean back and looked his brother up and down. He still had on the whole outfit from the showdown with the phoenix. Sam was still massively turned on. He looked into Dean’s eyes. 

“Fuck me, Dean.” Sam said with urgency. “Gotta have you inside me… please.”

Sam strode over to the bed, throwing himself on it, face down. He raised his head and his ass at the same time, rolling his hips, enticing his brother. 

“Dean… need your cock inside me. Hurry.” Sam was still panting, coming down from his climax and Dean didn’t need Sam to ask him twice so he grabbed the lube from the bedside table and moved up between Sam’s legs.

“Gonna fuck you, Sammy.” Dean said, his voice low and needy. “Gonna pound my cock so deep inside you, little brother…” Dean dropped the lube bottle next to Sam’s thigh. He leaned down and spread Sam open… looking at the very entrance he planned to plunder. 

Dean leaned down further and began eating Sam… licking and probing and teasing Sam with his tongue. Sam’s hips were grinding his cock into the bedspread. He loved when Dean rimmed him. Every single time was incredible.

Dean could feel Sam relaxing and opening to him. He kept licking and sliding his tongue inside of Sam, loving that his brother would let him do this and need him this badly. Dean continued teasing Sam with his lips and tongue as his hand felt around for the lube. When he found it, he flipped open the cap, causing Sam to moan in anticipation.

Dean sat up and rested on his heels as he lubed up his fingers. 

“Gonna finger you open, Sammy.” Dean rasped out. His cock was so painfully hard right now… he couldn’t wait to slide it into the tight wet heat of Sam’s ass. Sam pushed his ass up and snaked his arms down so he could grab his cheeks and pull himself open for Dean.

Sam turned his head, trying to see Dean. 

“Do it, Dean.” Sam moaned. “Fuck me with your fingers… I need it so bad.” 

Dean shivered, seeing the need on Sam’s face. He quickly buried two fingers in Sam, feeling the resistance ebb as he fingered his brother. Sam rocked his hips in time with Dean’s fingers. 

“More, Dean.” Sam gasped, begging for Dean to fill him. 

Dean slid a third and then a fourth finger deep inside his brother. Sam was gasping and moaning and panting.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah…” Sam groaned as Dean punched his fingers into Sam, hitting his prostate over and over. Sam saw stars as he grunted. His cock was rock hard again and the friction against the bedspread wasn’t quite enough so he released one of his cheeks and moved his hand under himself, to stroke his cock.

“Gonna come, Dean…” Sam moaned. “Gonna…”

“Wait!” Dean said urgently as he took his fingers out of Sam and then in one hard thrust, drove his cock to the hilt in Sam’s ass. Sam let out a long and loud moan. 

Dean whispered to Sam, “Put your hands up by your head.” 

Sam did as Dean asked. Dean then covered Sam, threading his fingers through Sam’s as he fucked his brother, hard and deep. He wanted Sam to come from just the sensation of his cock pounding inside him.

Dean was panting and gasping and thrusting as though he were possessed. Sam was moving his hips, meeting every thrust. Dean knew he was close so he put his mouth next to Sam’s ear. 

“Need you to come, Sammy. Gotta feel you before I lose it.” Dean moaned as Sam began to tighten around him.

“Close, Dean… so close…” Sam adjusted the angle of his hips and when he felt Dean’s cock hitting his prostate, he held himself there. Dean kept pounding, ever closer to losing it. When he felt Sam tighten repeatedly around him, he let go and as Sam’s hot come shot into the bedspread, Dean came deep inside his brother.

Dean collapsed on Sam, completely exhausted. This had been, by far, their dirtiest, most passionate sex yet. It took a long while for them to recover. When Dean could finally move, he rolled to the side, pressing himself against Sam, who was still face down. Dean ran his hand down Sam’s back, stroking him softly before resting it on his ass.

“That was amazing, little brother.” Dean whispered.

Sam turned his head and looked at Dean. Sam looked sated… and content. 

“Move your hand lower, Dean.” Sam whispered. “Wanna feel your fingers inside me… want you to feel your come inside me.”

Dean moaned and did as Sam asked. Sam was soaking wet with Dean’s saliva, the lube and Dean’s come. Sam gasped as Dean slid two fingers through the stickiness and then inside him, as far as his fingers would go. Sam pushed back and moaned again… he could hear how wet his was. 

“I love it, Dean.” Sam said softly.

Dean kissed Sam’s cheek as he slid a third finger inside of Sam. “What do you love, Sammy?”

Sam opened his eyes and looked at Dean. “Everything you do to me… but especially this… I love knowing that you want me and that you’ll share this with me and if I need something, you’ll give it to me.”

Dean pressed his fingers deeper into Sam as him kissed him gently. “Anything you want, Sammy… you just have to ask.” Dean withdrew his fingers and spread his come over Sam’s ass. He was making a mess as he marked his brother with his scent. He didn’t care though. They had no limits between them.

“Almost fisted you, Sammy.” Dean whispered as he slid his fingers back inside Sam. “Had four fingers inside you and I really wanted to just… work my whole hand inside of you… watch it disappear into you…” 

Sam groaned at the thought and then gasped as Dean rubbed his prostate. Unbelievably, Sam could feel his cock making a valiant attempt to join the party a third time.

“I’d let you, Dean…” Sam whispered, focusing on the feeling of Dean’s fingers still inside him, moving and stroking… so fucking hot. “Anything you want to do to me, you can. I trust you.”

Dean slowly slid his fingers out of Sam and rested his hand back on the curve of his ass. 

“I love you, Sammy.” Dean kissed Sam again, sweetly, with love. “One question though… who actually has the western fetish?”

Sam turned red and buried his head in the pillow. “I didn’t know…” Sam said as Dean laughed.

Back at McNally’s, Bobby was knocking back a third drink. Cas watched him in silence.

“Hey, Cas… can I ask you a question?” Bobby said as he sipped his drink.

“That is a question.” Cas replied, proud of his joke.

Bobby rolled his eyes as Cas waited for him to continue.

“What would God think about the… relationship… Sam and Dean have?” Bobby was almost afraid to find out, but he had to ask as long as he had the opportunity.

Cas looked at Bobby, perplexed. “God created Sam and Dean as soulmates. They share a heaven, Bobby. What more is there to say?”

Bobby nodded, relief flooding him. He had always been afraid that maybe their relationship would send the Winchester brothers down instead of up.

Cas looked up at the ceiling briefly. As he reached across the table, he said, “It is safe for us to return now.” 

A drunk at the end of the bar thought he was seeing things when old Bobby Singer and the guy in the trench coat disappeared from their table. 

“I gotta stop drinking,” the man said as he signaled to the bartender to bring him another.


	23. Mommy Dearest

Sam held Dean close in bed that night. He’d been afraid that Cas wasn’t going to be able to save Dean from becoming a Jefferson Starship. But he had and Eve’s plan had been thwarted and now Dean and Sam were safe in each other’s arms.

Dean nuzzled into Sam’s neck, feeling good about just being with Sam. At the end of every day, this was Dean’s favorite way to spend his time before sleeping.

Sam was thinking about his brother. And how damn smart he was. No one was better at innovation than Dean. Sam kissed Dean’s temple and then whispered, “Drinking down the phoenix ashes, Dean… risky but brilliant.”

Dean smiled and hugged Sam tighter. “Gotta have a plan B, right?” 

Sam rolled to his side so he could better see his brother. “Do you have any idea how fucking smart you are, Dean?” Sam asked, his eyes wide with wonder. “I mean really… the things you figure out… things no one else could solve… you do it. I just wish Dad could see what an amazing hunter you’ve become. You’re so much better than he ever was.”

Dean looked at Sam, thinking about what his brother had said. “I wish Dad could see what an amazing man you’ve become, Sammy. You saved the world… at the end, there was nothing but goodness inside you. He wanted me to save you, but… it wasn’t me… it was you who saved me and everyone else.”

Sam cupped Dean’s face with his hand, looking into his eyes, hoping he would understand what he was about to say. “Don’t you get it, Dean? You did save me. The night you were brave enough to kiss me… you saved me with your love. How can you not see that? It was you, Dean… not me.”

Sam leaned toward Dean, who met him half way. They shared a kiss full of love and devotion, savoring the feeling of their lips melded together, their tongues entwined and stroking, their breaths mingling as they sealed their love with the kiss.

When they broke apart, Sam leaned his forehead against Dean’s. “Dean… I love you…” Sam whispered. Dean rolled on top of Sam. He looked down at his little brother, whom he’d loved since the second he laid eyes on him.

“Love you, Sammy.” Dean whispered back before kissing Sam with passion and intent.

Dean needed his brother and his brother needed him. As Dean hovered over Sam in the dark of night, he made sure they both got what they needed.


	24. The Man Who Would Be King

Sam, Dean and Bobby sat at the table sharing a bottle of hunter’s helper.

Dean looked distressed and Sam looked pensive. Bobby figured he’d have to initiate some kind of conversation to keep their minds off of Cas’ betrayal.

“So, I found out something interesting.” Bobby started, swirling his glass, watching the amber liquid churn.

Sam looked over at Bobby. “What did you find out, Bobby?” Dean stared at the table, thinking about Cas’ treachery.

“I know Cas ain’t a popular topic right now, but he told me the two of you… are soulmates.” Bobby stated, wondering if the boys knew. He got his answer right away.

Dean looked up, first over at Sam and then in Bobby’s direction. “Yeah… we know, Bobby.”

Bobby sighed and fixed Dean with a glare. “And you didn’t think to mention this to me? Here I’ve been thinking that your… extracurriculars were dooming you to a potential eternity in hell and instead I find out that you two idjits are sanctioned by the highest power. Ya could have told me.”

Sam looked at Bobby in surprise. “You thought we might be dooming ourselves to hell… and didn’t say anything?”

Bobby tossed back the rest of his drink and then reached for the bottle. “Sue me. The only real happiness you two have ever known is with each other, so I figured… qué será, será… why not find some happiness while you’re still alive?”

Dean cleared his throat and sat up, moving his chair closer to Sam and then taking Sam’s hand in his. “I already went to hell for Sam, Bobby… even before I knew we were soulmates, I knew I’d do it again.” Dean looked at Sam and the shared a smile. Dean continued, “And Sammy? He went to hell for me, too.”

Sam squeezed Dean’s hand and added, “I’d do it again, too.”

Bobby rolled his eyes. “Jesus… you two idjits are completely besotted with one another.” Secretly, Bobby was glad they had each other and he was thankful for the deep love they shared. It had gotten them through so much.

Dean chuckled and looked at Sam’s hand, safe in his. “Yeah, Bobby… for a long time now.”

Bobby tossed back another drink. “And loud. You little bastards are loud in those motel rooms.”

Sam looked at Bobby, blushing. “Um… Bobby… we’re sorry… we didn’t know…”

Bobby shook his head. “Yeah? Well I never said anything… but didn’t either of you two chuckleheads ever wonder why I suddenly made sure I didn’t share a wall with you in motels?”

Sam’s face turned crimson and Dean just smirked. He couldn’t deny that they were loud. And acrobatic. Dean winked at Bobby, “I’d apologize, Bobby… except I’m not really sorry…” Dean let his sentence trail off with a laugh.

Sam reached across and punched Dean on the shoulder. “Dean!” Sam gave him a perturbed look.

Dean barked out a laugh and then leaned in quickly to kiss Sam. He let his lips linger for a moment. “Love you, Sammy.”

Sam blushed and looked at Bobby quickly before looking back at Dean. “I love you, too. If you behave.”

Bobby pushed back from the table with a laugh. 

“Idjits.” He said good-naturedly as he went to the fridge and opened the door. “Ain’t much in here… and I could eat. You boys wanna order a pizza?”

“Sure, Bobby.” Sam said, pulling Dean up with him as he stood. “We’ll run to town and pick it up. You call it in. Usual place?”

Bobby picked up the phone and began to dial. “Yep… see you boys in a bit.”

Bobby smiled as Dean led Sam to the Impala. Before letting go of Sam’s hand, Dean pulled Sam into a fierce hug, holding him close. The boys shared a soft kiss before separating and walking to their usual spots. 

Bobby sighed. Those boys were good men – the best – and he didn’t understand how Cas could have betrayed them. He just hoped Cas’ actions wouldn’t spell the end of this relatively happy period in Sam and Dean’s life.


	25. Let It Bleed

“If you ever mention Lisa and Ben to me again, I will break your nose.” Dean looked at Sam, tears swimming in his eyes.

“Dean…” Sam started, wanting to give his brother some comfort.

Dean shook his head. “I’m not kidding.”

Sam looked at Dean… really looked and then he saw the soul-deep pain Dean carried for putting Lisa and Ben at risk. And when Sam understood that Dean had done it for him… he’d gone to them as he’d asked… he realized that part of Dean had to be angry with him for setting the whole thing in motion.

“I’m sorry.” Sam whispered. Maybe Dean thought he meant it generally, or more specifically that Dean had to endure being wiped from Lisa and Ben’s memories. Sam didn’t know how Dean took it – but what he’d meant was he was sorry that he’d asked Dean to become a part of their lives in the first place. Sam was sorry he’d broke his brother’s heart and spirit with that request. Multiple times now.

Sam sighed and hunkered down in the passenger seat. He knew he needed to give Dean time to get his emotions under control. Miles passed and still the car was full of silence. Dean didn’t even have the ubiquitous soundtrack of their lives playing… no Metallica. No classic rock. Just the steady thunk of the tires passing over the expansion spacers in the pavement.

Sam watched Dean from the corner of his eye. After 50 miles, the tears that threatened to fall had dissipated. After 100 miles, the corners of Dean’s eyes relaxed, letting go of some of the tension. After 150 miles, Dean reached for the volume button of the radio, filling the car with music finally.

A while later, Sam reached over and ran the backs of his fingers down Dean’s cheek in a soft caress. Dean turned his head and kissed Sam’s fingers, favoring his brother with a small smile. Sam reached down and took Dean’s hand in his, needing the contact. Dean held onto Sam’s hand for the same reason.

After 200 miles, Dean tugged Sam’s hand and Sam scooted across the seat, pressing himself against Dean. They’d left so much unsaid, but maybe they’d talk about it. Later, when emotions were less volatile, when time had healed the fresh wounds.

For now, they had each other and at the end of the day, that was really all either of them really needed.


	26. The Man Who Knew Too Much (Intermission)

Dean was seated next to the cot on which Sam’s body lay. He had his face covered with his hands and he was sobbing into them. His baby brother was broken and Cas… their former friend and ally... was to blame. 

Dean shot up from the chair screaming, “You motherfucker Cas! I’m gonna kill you, you son of a bitch. If it’s the last thing I do! I hate your fucking guts you miserable piece of shit!”

Cas was down in Bobby Singer’s basement, looking at Dean and Sam in the panic room. He wasn’t visible but he’d wanted to check in on the brothers, to see if Sam were still incapacitated. He knew Dean would be mad, but he hadn’t expected this level of vitriol.

Cas watched Dean fall to his knees beside Sam. He ran his hands gently over Sam’s face, whispering. Cas could hear him as though he were speaking normally.

“Sammy… please come back to me.” Dean swallowed past his tears. “Sammy… fuck… I need you so much… just come back to me. I can’t do this without you. You’re the only thing that matters to me, baby… please…” Dean leaned forward and kissed Sam’s lips. “Please Sammy… please… god please…”

Cas felt bad for having destroyed Sam’s wall. But it had been necessary and part of him was glad to see Dean in the pain he was in now. After all, they’d been family once. But that was before Dean hadn’t done the one thing Cas had ever asked of him. 

Now? Cas had other things on his mind. So he left.

Dean ran his hands over Sam’s chest, his arms, trying to love him back to consciousness. He wouldn’t leave his brother’s side… not until he was back.

Bobby clamored down the stairs and stood outside the panic room, watching Dean. 

He’d seen this Dean before… when Sam was dead and Dean was ready to make a deal. When Sam took Lucifer into the pit and Dean had to fight every instinct inside of him to find a way to bring him back. 

This Dean was single-minded.

Bobby sighed before walking through the door of the panic room. It was time to talk Dean down off the cliff and into some action.


End file.
